If we could just get over the need to be liked at school

GIRLS can be mean.

I was reminded of my school days this week by two friends who have pre-teen daughters.

The one friend relayed how the girls in her daughter’s grade ridiculed her for being taller than them and having stretch marks.

The other said her daughter cried because a once good friend had now decided to stop joining her for things.

Sounds trivial to you and me, but I recall earlier this year how a schoolgirl jumped to her death, in her school clothes, from a mall building in Gauteng because she had many issues.

Last month, a news site reported that a Welkom pupil had committed suicide by hanging himself in his parents’ garage.

He was apparently made to apologise in front of the school assembly for copying and was distressed by widespread mockery on social media.

In July, there was reports of the suicide of a Grade 6 pupil.

The 12-year-old apparently shot herself with her father’s .38-revolver.

According to the reports, she had written nine letters describing how she was depressed and how the “cool group” had called her ugly and fat. Bullying is a stark reality. I recall my school days as if they were yesterday.

I never particularly enjoyed lunch breaks at school.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the academic side of school, but I never really had a lot of friends.

It hurt back then but I look back at my teenage self and laugh.

It bothered me, and some of the other girls and boys, that my chest size was equivalent to a 12-year-old boy in my class.

The only difference between him and me was probably that awkward bob hairstyle I had.

Either way, I recall always stressing about finding the right friends to hang out with, and if I couldn’t, I would always find my sister, who was three standards ahead of me, to sit with.

There were no questions asked by her.

Truth be told, I met my real friends only in my adult years.

Those friends who saw my acne, my just-been-dumped face, that I didn’t have any money “so let’s combine and get KFC”.

I was seething this week, not for myself but for those young girls who probably go to bed worrying about the very same things I did.

Bullying doesn’t have to be in-your-face, but there are so many kids who go to school and face emotional abuse by their peers.

I wish I could whisper in their ear: “Lie on the grass. Read a book. Spend more time with your siblings, because they will be your friend for life. Just be busier after school, and invest everything in school.”

I have learnt to accept so many flaws that people used to pick on at school – flaws I have come to love.

So what would I say to my 16-year-old self ?

All good things happen in time.

I have a wonderful group of friends. Some I choose to have fun with. Some I call for advice. And some I enjoy a good gossip with.

The reason I’m saying this is that I wish someone had told me sooner.

I would have put on my R30 shades (because that’s all I would have afforded back then) and lain on the grass, alone, a little bit longer.

PS... I also have about 600 friends on Facebook.

I’m sure that counts for something!