Mothers with Courage: Uplifting and inspiring women
The non-profit organisation, Mothers with Courage, will be launched on February 22 at the Pavilion Hotel in Durban by widowed mother of two Jane Pillay, a marketing and events management specialist. Through shared experiences, the organisation aims to upl
WHEN looking at Jane Pillay’s photographs on social media, you would never know the bubbly extrovert had gone through severe depression during the festive season.
Pillay, who was at home alone, felt useless and as if she added no value to anyone’s life.
Her depression, she said, got the better of her. For days on end she simply sobbed.
But an inner voice prompted her to seek help. Pillay called her doctor, who advised her to see him urgently. She was diagnosed as having severe depression
He wanted her admitted to hospital and was afraid to dispense medication to her for fear she would take an overdose.
She tried to pull herself together, without being hospitalised or taking prescription drugs.
Relating how she got to that low point in her life, the tears stream down her face.
Pillay was in her 30s and five months pregnant when her husband, Ragunathan “Ollen” Pillay, died in a gas explosion at work. But she had a 10-year-old son to provide for.
Her spouse’s death left her shattered, she said.
“I was broken into a million pieces. Back then, I was working at the Durban Chamber of Commerce, but feared I would battle to take care of my children emotionally and financially as I had to play a double role.
“I felt helpless and I used to question God, saying, ‘If you can do miracles, why do this now? You could have saved him’. I have never got over what happened.
“I get recurring dreams of my late husband where I am trying to find him. Psychologically, his death was a shock for me. We were in the prime of our lives and had so much to look forward to.”
But she was not alone. Pillay said the support of her parents and work colleagues, at the lowest time in her life, had been invaluable.
“Days before his death, my husband and I found out we were going to have a girl and he decided to name her Janani, which means Divine Mother in Sanskrit.
“But my dad, as per Hindu custom, sought advice from a priest in Singapore and he said my daughter’s name should start with the letter A.
“It was my son, Vallendren, who suggested Aishwarya, so we gave her a double-barrelled first name, Aishwarya-Janani.”
Pillay would later find out that Aishwarya, in Telegu, also meant Divine Mother. To her, it seemed the name had been written in the stars.
Pillay remained fragile, but hid it well.
On social media, she posted smiley photographs with inspirational messages.
“In December, my son, 29, was in Johannesburg and my daughter, 17, was staying with family. So, I was alone at home. A project I had been working on had been finalised and I did not have a new one lined up. I was worried about what I would do. I guess everything that happened in my life had reached this tipping point. I was feeling useless and wanted to end it all.”
But later in the month, Pillay was invigorated at the prospect of starting a non-profit organisation aimed at uplifting, empowering and inspiring other women.
“While at home, I started thinking. There was a widowed mother whom I had known and she had a daughter, who was my age. We went to school together and she was from a respectable home.
“Her daughter had two children and was in a hopeless marriage. Her husband had left her for another woman and as a result, she had begun to drink and had joined the wrong company.
“She was in a horrible state. One day, she hanged herself in her bedroom. I thought, why did she feel as if there was no one she could turn to.
“If she had opened up, surely someone would have intervened and her life could have been saved. It was a tragedy.
“Then I remembered another woman. Her husband used to bring home male and female prostitutes and this unfaithfulness led to her ending up in the psychiatric ward of a hospital.
“She eventually decided enough was enough and got a divorce. Today, she is doing well. These are just two of the stories I reflected on and I thought, how many even worse adversities are happening to women.
“The highest honour the universe can confer on a woman is giving birth and raising a child, but she must face so many more challenges and adversities.”
Pillay continued: “In that short frame of time, from severe depression to reflecting on the women I knew, I decided I needed to start a non-profit organisation (NPO) to empower and uplift women. The idea of Mothers with Courage was born. Now, I have a new lease on life. I feel empowered and raring to go.”
The NPO will be launched on February 22 at the Pavilion Hotel on Durban’s beach front. The format will be similar to that of Oprah Winfrey’s talk show, she said, and would be filmed in front of an audience.
She will interview Nomfundo Cele, a mother of four who was hooked on alcohol and drugs, and Dr Lochan Naidoo, the founding member of the International Society of Addiction Medicine and former president of the Narcotics Bureau of the UN. Naidoo has 24 years experience as an addictionologist.
A question-and-answer session will follow.
Pillay has planned similar monthly shows with other inspirational women and experts. Videos filmed of these events will be uploaded online.
“This information sharing is intended to empower women who face similar adversities to seek the requisite intervention, guidance and assistance.”
Another side to the NPO, she added, was providing skills to mothers who were challenged.
“Our relevant stakeholders will assist with the placement of challenged mothers in the work space. We plan toutilise our networks of colleges and educational institutes, who are keen on developing challenged mothers.”
To secure tickets to the launch, call Pillay, who runs the marketing, public relations and events management company, Brandigo, on 083 359 1700.