Finances behind most disputes
INANCE is a highly contentious issue in many marriages and one of the leading causes of divorces, according to religious leaders.
Pastor Paul Lutchman of Christian Revival Church, who frequently counsels couples, said financial disputes were the root cause of many a marriage being dissolved.
“My advice is budget together and spend together. Live within your means and stop competing with the Joneses,” cautioned Lutchman.
He said husbands were the traditional breadwinners and wives often worked to “subsidise” the households.
“But some of the problems stem from when husbands keep bad company and spend their money on bad habits and friends. They end up neglecting the needs of their families.”
Lutchman plans to write a book on money management that will give couples insight into managing the financial side of a marriage.
Ashwin Trikamjee, president of the South African Hindu Maha Sabha and a practising attorney, said finance remained a hot potato issue in marriages.
One of the trends, he said, was that one partner earned more than the other and as a result contributed more to the daily operational expenses of a household.
“Then one party claims he or she is not pulling their weight and this can become very, very ugly.”
Trikamjee said one of the ways to secure oneself and one’s partner was to sign an ante-nuptial contract (ANC).
“This is not to be spiteful but to protect each other. For example, while I may have an ANC contract, everything I own is for my wife but if I am sued for R1 million tomorrow, all our assets (without an ANC) could be in jeopardy.”
Another problem, added Trikamjee, was non-disclosure of financial situations.
“Gambling debt is a serious problem in marriages. There are situations where one partner gambles away financial assets. When the issue is out in the open, the wife, you may find, is not prepared to put up with it (the gambling addiction) any longer and leaves the marriage.”
Old Mutual found that money was one of the biggest sources of conflict in marriages and long-term relationships.
The company’s senior legal manager, Sore Cloete, said: “In a recent international study, by Ameriprise Financial 2016, conducted with over 1 500 couples, who are either married or living together, it was found that one in three couples, including those who said they were happy in their relationships, argued about money at least once a month.
“With South Africa’s divorce rate currently at its peak, couples need to figure out how to keep money from getting in the way of their relationship.”
Cloete said South Africans were finding themselves under increasing financial pressure.
“The recent increase in the petrol price, coupled with rising food prices and crippling taxes, has left the average South African consumer, many of whom are already up to their ears in debt, under extreme pressure. This sort of pressure can play havoc in a relationship, especially when partners don’t see eye to eye on their spending habits.”
Other areas that Cloete says can typically cause trouble in relationships included debt, differing levels of income, and responsibilities towards the dependant’s extended family.
“Debt is often seen as ‘financial baggage’ and when one partner has more debt than the other, issues around finances can compound quickly.
“Then there is the common issue of one partner earning significantly more than the other or where only one partner is working.
“These scenarios can often result in an uneven balance of financial power, which prevents a couple from tackling their finances together as a team.”
Cloete urged couples to address these areas of financial disagreement sooner rather than later. “While discussions around money and spending are not very romantic, they are a vital component of a successful long-term relationship.
“Money can trigger different emotional reactions in different people, depending on their upbringing, experiences and financial beliefs, which is why it is so important for couples to explore their individual relationships with money in order to discover what specific aspects may be causing anxiety or frustration.”