Money and marriage

THE old saying, “money makes the world go round”, cannot be more true in the modern world we live in.

While living for money is frowned upon, living without money is not an option.

Truth be told, no one on this earth can have all their basic needs met without money.

That being said, money is an area of contention for many a married couple.

Not surprising considering that none of us are raised in a bubble – social, cultural and familial influences impact significantly on how we view, use and behave around money.

While most never give it a thought, our perceptions, beliefs and behaviours take shape from the time we are born.

A time when we become socialised within our families, our culture and our communities.

People born within the same family, culture or community tend to share some beliefs and assumptions but the further apart you and your spouse’s childhood worlds are, the larger the potential for dissonance and conflict within the relationship with regard to disagreement over how to manage money.

The problem arises when we ignore our partner’s uniqueness and hastily label him or her as an inferior, who is not capable of making a decent decision about money. This is where the doors to doom are opened.

Now don’t get me wrong, bad decisions can result in a magnitude of problems such as mounting debt.

But there is more to your marriage than money.

Aside from your partner requiring psychological intervention, this is a situation that requires deep understanding, compassion and commitment.

The secret to resolving this conflict and disillusion in your partner is to let go of what you think is right and listen better.

Understand each other’s position and work together to gain a new, joint approach to spending.

All things natural or spiritual encourage balance and it is portrayed in many of our natural, social and physiological principles.

So it is important to note that attitudes about money need to include all elements, so not only how we spend but also how we earn.

Context is important. It is this that affects our perspective over a given situation.

Best to look at yourself first before you look at your partner. Assess your intentions, acknowledge your weaknesses, demarcate your responsibility with regard to money.

Don’t let it be a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

Looking at yourself breeds humility and assists you to take responsibility.

Be that person who understands that taking responsibility is good and that blaming ends negotiation and destroys compromise.

Good communication between you and your partner is vital to a healthy marriage, let alone a healthy attitude about money.

Contrary to what you may think, slamming a door or quietly sulking in the corner is not spelling it out clearly.

Talk with your partner and listen to understand, not to win.

Love, understanding and compassion go a long way in assisting relationships survive misunderstanding, paranoia and innuendo.

Money is an area that if successfully managed with care and good guidance can lead to a great life for all.