Love is all they need

THERE was a time, not so many decades ago, when it was absolute anathema for members of the Indian community to send their ageing parents or grandparents to old age homes.

They were all regarded as members of an extended family, a socialised system which served as an essential means of surviving financial difficulties and dispossession though political discrimination.

In the extended family system, social and economic roles and responsibilities were clearly demarcated and resources were pooled in a common family budget.

The system helped many families ward off poverty. By sharing functions and responsibilities, each member of the family played a contributory role in the smooth running and management of the household.

And the aged among them played an integral part of this communal effort. But the times have changed. With the gradual dismantling of the extended family system – through growing Westernisation and changes in the country’s socio-economic dynamics – the placement of parents and grandparents in old age or retirement homes has become more common.

What has, however, become a disturbing trend in recent times is that some families are using such facilities to “dump” their ageing and frail parents and grandparents – and shutting the door behind them.

These old folk become the discarded people, shut off from loved ones they helped rear from an early age.

Their families don’t bother to keep in contact with them; send them money to purchase essentials; remember their birthdays and other important occasions or even pick them up on weekends so they can visit their families and keep in touch with their grandchildren.

This shameful neglect of the elderly was brought into sharp focus by columnist Yogin Devan in POST last week when he posed the question: “Why have aged parents lost their meaning in the lives of children?”

Yes, the times and socio-economic realities have changed and many people do need their independence to live out their own lives and careers.

But how much does a little bit of love and caring take? How much do you stand to lose if you bothered to pick up the phone ever so often to say “hello” and ask “how are you?”

How much effort does it take to pick them up and take them for an outing to the beach, a little meal at Little Gujerat or even a walk through Botanic Gardens or Blue Lagoon? Little gestures that mean a lot…