Talk openly about suicide
THE thought of one’s child taking their own life is so horrifying to any parent that many of us push it to the back of our minds rather than confronting the possibility. However, during the tricky teen years, it is crucial to talk openly about suicide and shine the light on a potentially life-saving conversation.
In a world of academic pressure, online bullying and other social challenges, teenagers will be better equipped at navigating this difficult subject if they have the opportunity to talk it through at home.
Parents might be apprehensive about how best to approach the topic. This needs to be done at an age-appropriate level, but it is important to remember that children have access to and are exposed to information and misinformation about subjects like suicide. We cannot shelter them from that and treating it as taboo would be dangerous.
Parents can help unpack why some people take their own lives and how such a tragedy is not the only option.
A good icebreaker might be to suggest watching a Ted talk about suicide together and then allowing everyone to discuss their views about it afterwards. You might get an eye roll or two, but that is a small price to pay for keeping the lines of communication open.
Are there signs?
Suicidal ideation sprouts from depression or a mood disorder, and suicide indicates a sense of hopelessness.
Unfortunately, there are not always clear signs, especially in teens who are high functioning and good at sports, performing well academically, popular in their friend group and so on. This makes it easier for them to mask their mental state, which they might do to live up to what they believe is expected of them.
Stressful situations
There are certain instances in which teenagers can become so caught up that they are not able to take a step back and regain perspective without some help.
This includes exam pressures and relationship issues. Others might be less apparent, such as online bullying or blackmail over compromising photographs they might have shared.
The digital environment can be threatening to your child’s mental health, and this is an area that needs a lot of discussion.
Significant changes
Any significant change in behaviour can be a warning sign. Life as a parent is busy, and it can be easy to miss a signal, so it is important to have a sense of what is happening in your teen’s daily life.
If you have a child who is usually active and social but becomes withdrawn, or a child who has always been a homebody but seems to be looking for reasons to stay away, keep a watchful eye. Sudden outbursts of anger and frustration, and changes in daily habits can also point to emotional difficulties.
Speaking with finality
Sometimes people with suicidal thoughts will do and say things that can indicate plans to end their life.
This may come out in careless language, for example, saying, “You won’t have to deal with me much longer” or perhaps “Maybe we’ll meet again one day” to a close friend. Such statements are sometimes made on social media which is a cry for help that must be taken seriously.
Let them know you are there
When our children are born we are 100% responsible for them, and it remains like that for many years. In the case of teens, it is a transitionary phase where it is natural for them to become more independent.
Parents need to shift into a more supportive role as teens start learning how to be accountable for their own actions. It is not easy to know when to let go, and if you see problematic behaviour, it’s even harder.
Let your presence in their life be known. If they push you away, don’t be put off. They need to know that you are around and that you are there for them.
Parents often have a sense that something is off even if it is not clear what the issue is. In these moments, it is important to sit down and chat.
Watch your reactions
Your child needs to know they can come to you with a problem, no matter how terrible it might appear to them at the time. This means being measured in your responses.
If you tell your child they can always come to you with a problem and then immediately react with anger or disappointment when they do approach you with something difficult, this can push them away and create distrust.
That is not to say that there should be no consequences for their actions, but they need to feel they can be honest and confide in you.
Ultimately, you want your child to feel that they can talk to you when they are facing a seemingly insurmountable problem and for them to know that help is available. Open conversation is your opportunity to reinforce the message.
If you suspect that your child is having suicidal thoughts, seek professional help. There is always another option and while they might not be able to see it, there is a way through.