Check in with teens
IN RECENT weeks, the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) has shared tips to help families with teenagers. Here is a compilation of what it has said:
Several children across the country have committed suicide recently. Two girls in KwaZulu-Natal and Gauteng were 10. Two 17-year-old pupils in KZN and Soweto, Gauteng, also took their lives. These are just some of the cases we have been made aware of in the past few weeks.
There are many more cases like these that haven’t been reported, an important reminder that mental health remains stigmatised and shamed.
The symptoms of depression and anxiety are so vast that they are often unnoticed until it’s too late.
Many teens are dealing with difficulties, including relationship problems, trauma, depression, loss, bullying and family struggles. The problems often combine to make a teen feel overwhelmed, helpless and hopeless.
Teens often feel guilty and don’t want to burden their friends or family with their problems, making regular check-ins vital.
There is a lot of fear around suicide. Many parents and teachers are afraid that if they talk to teens about suicide, it could cause them to take their life.
Zamo Mbele, the Sadag board deputy chairperson and clinical psychologist, said: “Research shows that talking about suicide with a young person does not cause them to have thoughts of suicide or wanting to end their lives. However, the danger comes from not talking about it.
“Talking about suicide and depression creates an opportunity to discuss feelings and thoughts that might have remained hidden.
“Most teens who are thinking about suicide are, in fact, honest and relieved when asked direct questions about their thoughts or feelings. Informing and empowering parents and teachers about how to have these conversations with teens is the first step to preventing suicide.”
Cassey Chambers, the Sadag operations director, said: “You can do these check-ins any time of the day – normalise having these chats during everyday activities while driving to school, when you’re preparing meals, waiting in a queue or going for a walk. It doesn’t have to be a scary conversation, and the more you incorporate them into your day-to-day, the more you make the conversations more natural and less like a serious family meeting. Teens will then learn that talking about their feelings is normal and okay, and that you are a safe space to talk about their emotions.”
Some conversation starters:
What did you do today that made you feel good?
What are you looking forward to in the next few days?
What are you thinking about the most right now?
Who did you have a really good conversation with today?
Is there something that is upsetting or bothering you right now?
What not to say:
Think positively.
Pull yourself towards yourself and get on with it.
Just get over it.
Don’t think about it.
Snap out of it.
It’s all in your mind.
Just do some exercise and you will feel better.
You have so much to be grateful for. There are other people with far less.
What to say:
I will be here to support you.
I might not know exactly how you are feeling, but I am here for you.
I care about you, and I want to help you. What can I do to help you? I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I want to help. You are not alone. How can I better support you today? I am sure this feels scary and overwhelming. I am here, and I want to help you.
Checking in helps to start an open discussion and encourage connected conversations with a teen who perhaps doesn’t always have the opportunity, language or courage to speak up.
Useful information:
A teen suicide prevention toolkit on www.sadag.org
Sadag’s schools outreach programme provides talks to learners, workshops for parents and teachers, and materials on mental health issues to provide resources, tips and tools. Also available on its website.
If you, your teen, or a loved one is feeling hopeless, alone or having recurring thoughts of suicide or death, contact Sadag’s toll-free 24-hour suicide helpline at 0800 567 567.