Welcome to the Rolls-Royce of health care

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HIS story may or may not be true, but it’s worth telling anyway. It turns out that two staunch ANC loyalists, Cyril and Joe, were miffed that the new National Health Insurance

(NHI) scheme had been getting such unfair negative publicity in the past week.

They believe the NHI Bill recently signed into law, is the

Rolls-Royce of the country’s healthcare system, and the answer to some of South Africa’s transformation challenges.

So they decided to prove the naysayers wrong by having themselves admitted to the state-run RK Khan Hospital in Chatsworth, Durban.

Joe: Hey, Cyril, this place is not so bad after all, despite what all those nasty critics are telling people. I think the party made the right move by signing the bill into law.

Cyril: I told you so, Joe. That’s why all ANC MPs rushed into passing the bill. So, let's settle down in our new surroundings and find out what’s for supper tonight.

Nurse: Sorry, Sir, there was no food delivery today. I’m told the supplier has mysteriously fled to Dubai with all the hospital funds.

Cyril: Well, can’t you get us some chips or samoosas from downstairs? I’m starving.

Nurse: Sorry, Sir, the lifts don’t work.

Joe: Nurse, I’m feeling very ill. Please call the doctor.

Nurse: Well, there’s only one doctor on duty tonight and he has to take care of all 240 patients.

Joe: What about the junior doctors?

Nurse: They’re on strike, Sir, for higher pay.

Cyril: Hey, Joe, will you please stop stroking me with your hairy arm?

Joe: I’m not stroking anyone, Cyril. It’s those pesky monkeys that have just invaded our ward.

Cyril: Damn it, this is ridiculous. The NHI is supposed to be all about transforming our health system for the betterment of all patients. I demand to see the hospital HR manager immediately.

Nurse: Sorry, Sir, she’s not available. Apparently, she’s being targeted for blowing the whistle on corruption at the hospital.

Cyril: Hey, Joe, we’re getting out of here. Nurse, please book us in at that plush private St Augustine’s Hospital in Glenwood, as a matter of urgency.

The nurse leaves the ward to make enquiries and returns after five minutes.

Nurse: Sorry, Sir, they’re fully booked – with former patients from RK Khan.