Revenge porn and sex shaming is for cowards
WHAT is up with sex shaming and revenge porn? Clearly there are some incredibly abhorrent and depraved people walking among us – portraying images of absolute propriety but, who, when stripped down to it, are nothing more than trash!
Sorry, did you think I was referring to the people who make sexy videos of themselves? Or those who take racy pics of themselves to share with their partners? Not at all! What consenting adults do in the confines of their bedrooms is no one’s business.
Yes, recent events show even politicians are spicing up their boudoirs and quite frankly, I don’t think our minister of Home Affairs owes anyone an apology. That his video got out is sad and sickening and is the work of a malicious coward whose sole aim is to humiliate.
Take the recent case also, of a former Lotus FM presenter – a young woman who lost her job and had her dignity dragged through the mud because a video she made for someone was deliberately leaked with the sole aim of hurting her.
That some of us took great pleasure from her degradation is an absolute indictment on the calibre of people we are. The only crime here is that some twisted sociopath shared it with others.
Okay, we are a conservative community, but let’s face facts, Indian people are evidently having and enjoying sex. And judging from the numbers, lots of it. Technology has given us the tools to spice things up.
And so, what if a wife or girlfriend makes a sexy video for her man? And so what if a couple decide to film themselves being intimate? If it’s for their eyes only, it’s none of our business. But to share images or videos meant for you is a criminal offence, yes, even if she has dumped you and you are enraged, it’s no excuse.
Taking intimate pictures of someone without their consent an even bigger crime and is the work of a desperate creep. Men who derive their power from demeaning a woman this way are nothing more than pathetic cowards.
It is my hope that the courts send a clear message, we as women may choose to share our bodies with you, but you do not have the right to disrespect it nor do you have the right to share our bodies with anyone else.
Like rape and abuse, sharing and spreading sexually intimate material of someone is a violation of their body, their dignity and their human rights. And for Pete sake, the rest of us need to stop victim blaming.
We focus on why and how could she send a video of herself to someone and we absolve these low lives of their despicable behaviour.
Sending someone a sexy picture or video of yourself is NOT permission to disseminate it to others. It’s time to have open and frank dialogue with your kids and yourself. My best advice, rather avoid, because even the most sincerest of lovers can turn nasty or there is also the human error of hitting send to the wrong number. But there are no two sides to sex shaming.
The narrative of the South African, woman more especially a woman of Indian origin, is fundamentally changing. These are historic times. Every-time one of us stands up and speaks out we crush patriarchy. We pave a path for our daughters of tomorrow, today.
Govender is a full-time mom and author of the children’s book, ‘The Selfish Shongololo’ and the explosive memoir, ‘Beaten But Not Broken’. Govender is a former award winning e.tv television and SABC radio news reporter. Follow her on her social media handles – on her Facebook author page, @VanessaGovenderTedder, and on Twitter, @Govender_V
LIKE rape, like abuse, sharing and spreading sexually intimate material of someone is a violation of their body, their dignity and their human rights, argues the columnist.