It started at 22 mistakes, but ended up at 40
IT WAS with great interest that I read the article LOVE??? What Love. Could I ask that you rewrite the article so that I can compare the incorrect article with what should be the correct article? I cannot find 22 mistakes and would appreciate your input.
Noelle Marshall
Brendan Seery replies:
Just in case people think I am being overly harsh, here is a full edit of the original press release:
1 Three question marks What Love?) (****2: no reference to what they are talking about) (****3: Beats?)
LOVE???(****
What beats a company to be at its best? Is it is the idea or is it the people? Faith, belief and love seem to be the talk around February
(****4: why? Why February? It’s not explained).
Ever thought that these could quite
(****5: Quite? What do they mean?)
be the ingredients: Faith to take the company to new heights, Belief in something that the company will make things happen and Love,
(****6: makes no sense)
(****7: Incorrect use of comma)
(****8: Incorrect punctuation, bad expression) (****9: bad sentence construction)
money
(****10: Are ) (****11 Incorrect use of quotation marks)
(****12: Missing word – should be about)
(****13: incorrect grammar), (****14: missing apostrophe)
its
whom?)
(****17: you mean last month?)
ary 2012
well the love of
That
just makes the world go around.
In any business the two most common sayings we hear is
we are here to make money’ and ‘ we strive to be the best’. Have you ever thought
what it takes to be the best? Yes, I believe it too
passion. And that is found rarely
(**** 15 incorrect usage/g rammar: should be rarely found… this is English, not the SA version thereof.)
(****16:
JC Public Relations whom
recently opened in Janu-
is bound to take clients to new heights in believing in taking a vision and making it their goal
(****18: meaningless gibberish – and confusion between its and their).
Passion is just one of the many characters
(****19: Incorrect usage – should be characteristics, but it should be written – passion is one of the many characteristics of this business) (****20: Typical South Africanism, not understanding the difference between, and when to
this business has, as
use, the words as and because. In this case, because should have been used.)
the drive to be successful comes with their
(****21: Who? You were referring to a company, not individuals… another common SA failing)
ability to live that passion working environment
‘Do what you love and you will never have to work’ quotes
in
a
(****22: cliché/jargon).
(****23: Quotes? She is not quoting, she is saying)
Cayleigh Harper, Managing Director of JC, who lives by this saying.
PRISA, the organization JC Public Relations belong
(****24: belongs to) (****25: punctuation – no comma after belongs) (****26: But the sentence should really read…to which JC belongs)
to is not only a necessity to Janneke Scheepers, the additional managing director of JC, but she believes an industry cannot go without something that gives support and knowledge to the PR sphere
(****28: Another nonsensical sentence.)
laughs,
kind of
(****27: should be do)
Scheepers sarcastically
“PRISA is something I
(****31: punctuation)
(****32: Stupid people or those with no imagination love to use this word – what do you mean?) (****33: Individually – who?).”
mous
(****34: punctuation)
(****35: confusing singular and plural – again)
is ing life as much as what
So
saying
(****29: sarcastically? Do they know the meaning of the word?)
(****30: although this is a direct quote, if I was a company soliciting business in an industry where communication and language were critical, I would not quote myself as saying “kind of ”…)
forced Cayleigh to be part of and not only because it benefits our company and the fact that we can’t get enough of the workshops
but it is an enor-
benefit
they do. celebrate
individually
This company is so interactive socially via Twitter and Facebook that they
have competitions running to ensure their connections
(**** 36: connections – the plugs to their laptops?) (****37: are)
(****38: another South Africanism, throwing in what… the sentence should read “as much as they do”)
the
enjoy-
month L-O-V-E
(****39: left out of) (****40: this is a press release, not a poster stuck on the wall of a teenage girl’s bedroom)
and enjoy every moment as you partner with JC Public Relations.