Grey matter is not up to it

MILLIONS around the world have ventured into Christian Grey’s playroom, dubbed the Red Room of Pain by his lover Anastasia Steele, in the trilogy.

For me, the floggers, the canes and the karabiners of the billionaire’s sexual desires were a new experience. Having avoided the series that sold 125 million copies worldwide, as well as the blockbuster film, I have finally popped my cherry following the release of

Similar to the couple’s lovemaking in the book, the experience was drawn out, racy, frequently painful and unintentionally hilarious. Stand-out lines run from “Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick” to “Miss Steele is topping from the bottom and she doesn’t even know it.”

This is Grey in his own words, “his thoughts, reflections and dreams”.

EL James dedicates the book to readers who “asked… and asked… and asked for this”. If these requests came from the masochist community, boy, do they get what they asked for. Yet fans hoping for an insight into the smouldering sex icon’s inner life may well be disappointed.

Grey’s innermost thoughts are almost exactly the same as what he says out loud. The effect is increasingly comical – Mills & Boon meets

– while the rest of his internal monologue is spent stating the obvious. He tells Anastasia he will talk to her “later”, adding it was to “let her know that we're not finished with this conversation”.

His vacuous mental life is tempered by his self-doubt, which pops up every time he does anything nice, with lines like: “Grey, get a grip.” It’s more mildly chiding headmaster than a man supposedly plagued by darkness.

Is it sexy? Like the “suede flogger” in his playroom, I’m sure it does the job if you’re into that sort of thing. – The Independent