There’s no need for a pregnant pause

I ONCE read an article about pregnancy that had me rolling around with laughter and you know what they say, if you can laugh at it, it’s probably true. The line I remember most is that as a man the only thing you need to remember for the next nine months is “You are wrong!” Everything will be your fault and God help you if you cannot find tomato sauce-flavoured ice cream at 3am.

I don’t remember being unreasonable during my pregnancy, but what I recall is being afraid that somehow sex was going to damage me or the baby. I remember my partner being just as concerned and for a while both of us being too afraid to be fully intimate.

So it’s time to speak about sex and pregnancy. First the disclaimer; this is advice is for those who are having a pregnancy without complications.

The two biggest misconceptions about pregnancy and sex are that it is not safe and women lose their desire during this period. Both are untrue.

Women are self-conscious about their bodies even on a good day and even more so when pregnant. We don’t all look like Demi Moore in her Vanity Fair photo shoot years ago. Some of us feel ugly and fat. I knew a couple whose marriage did not survive the pregnancy because he couldn’t look at her pregnant body.

It is not uncommon for a woman’s sexual desire to increase significantly during pregnancy. This is as a result of increased blood flow to the pelvic area, and swelling and increased sensitivity of the breasts. There is also no need to worry about contraception – that ship has sailed.

The baby is well protected inside the womb and is not harmed by penetration. During the early stages you may not even have to adjust your favourite positions.

You may find in the last stages of pregnancy that orgasms are longer and harder.

Sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted to your baby, so it is imperative that you don’t have an STD and that you use condoms. Avoid oral sex if you have any ulcers or sores. Do not blow air into the vagina. Doing this can cause an air embolism, which is potentially fatal to the mother and baby.

Also, a woman’s breasts become ultra-sensitive and may be too painful to touch, so no nipple-tweaking. You may also require additional lubrication. A non-flavoured waterbased lubricant is preferable. Try Eva Water Based or Pjur.

As the pregnancy progresses it will be necessary to adjust positions. You may need to experiment. If you play with sex toys there is no reason to stop. Just ensure that they are ultra-clean.

Know when to say no to sex. Stop if you have any bleeding, discharge or pain during sex. Do not have sex if you are having contractions or if your water has broken.

During pregnancy there are no wrong times, number of times or ways to have sex. If you are having a difficult pregnancy, don’t have penetrative sex. Sexual intimacy during pregnancy is extremely important. With a bit of lubricant and hand techniques you can both have sexually satisfying intimacy. However, one thing you need to remember is that if you feel you absolutely have to have the last word during the pregnancy let it be, “Yes, dear!”