Kids pay for parents’ lack of planning
BEING a father is something I fantasise about now and then. I think about the kind of a father I would be. Would I be able to provide all the non-material things a child needs: love, warmth, firmness, courage and so on?
I also think of all the material things a child needs from birth.
On Monday, we went to buy school uniforms for my little bro. He has outgrown what we bought last year.
We chose three shirts, with his school’s emblem on the left side, two pairs of trousers, two pairs of socks, and a pair of shoes.
I was chit-chatting with the cashier as she did her job. Once she was done, she smiled and told me how much we had to pay.
In disbelief, I asked her if she hadn’t perhaps scanned some items twice.
She smiled and said, “No, sir. I didn’t make a mistake.” She suggested we work out the amount together. The prices of the shirts and trousers left me speechless. There was no need for us to continue with the recount – I could see the assistant had not made a mistake.
Li’l Brother goes to a government school, so we don’t have to worry about school fees and stationery.
However, I cannot believe how expensive his school uniform is.
Which brings me to my point. A child is one of the best gifts life can deliver for anyone. Nevertheless, let us not ignore the immense responsibilities that come with parenting. Making a child is easy, but affording a comfortable life for that child comes at a price.
One has to be prepared emotionally, physically and, most important, financially. The financial aspect counts more. A friend, Sharon-Rose Khumalo, said: “I want a minivan filled with my kids.”
In the same breath she said: “I wanna have as many as I can afford. I wanna be able to send them to varsity.”
Then she jumped up and said: “Tjo! I don’t want my kids to grow up with memories of hardships. I never want my kids to miss a single school trip because I don’t have money. I’d rather they missed out because they’ve been misbehaving.”
I laugh… because I know what it feels like to miss school trips. I know how it feels to have just two school shirts (one blue, the other white) and to alternate them through the week. By the third month, the blue shirt is so worn that from a distance it looks almost white.
But life has to carry on and you have to get to school.
The emotional burden is unbearable. You ask yourself: Why was I born, why did my parents bring me into this world to suffer so much? To be frank, I felt that way about my impoverished home throughout my childhood.
December and January were the worst months. People wear what we call “Christmas clothes” in the community and, come January, the kids are so excited about rocking their new school uniforms. Such happy moments I did not know. I only heard of them. There is still so much lack. That is why it baffles me to see a parent without a job, with more than two kids to bring up and their fathers absent.
You grow up in poverty, you bring innocent children into poverty, and then you tell us this nonsense: “Even though we didn’t have anything, I grew up, and I am an adult today.”
Granted. But it shouldn’t be like that. Let us strive to give our children comfortable lives.
If we cannot afford to do this for them, I beg you, let us not bring those innocent souls into this world.
I was enraged for a long time and today I do the best I can to give to the needy.
I try so hard to understand the complexities that come with parenting.
The weak and ill-informed school of thought that believes that LOVE alone is enough to raise a child should be done away with.
The most terrible thing in our communities is this: we don’t plan. Most kids are not planned for. If we had the slightest idea about planning, children would have everything they needed. It wouldn’t be about just getting through another day. Kids are expensive, and the older they get, the more expensive they become.
Beyond the love, warmth, support and the other priceless things we can give kids, money does make the world go round. We need it if we are to provide them with a good and balanced life.
To echo Adele Faber, a noted writer on parenting: I can be a wonderful parent – until I have a child of my own.
Until I can afford a child, being a father will remain a fantasy…