Tips to make your play date hot, sensual and steamy

EARLIER this year I promised to map out some play dates, so in keeping with my word and getting you ready for Valentine’s Day this is what this week’s column is all about.

When planning a play (a day, night or afternoon of unbridled passion and sex) you need to prepare. I know the movies make it look effortless but it’s not. It takes careful planning and discussion.

You will first need to know what your partner likes and dislikes, what are their hard and soft limits, is the play you are planning going to send them off screaming towards the police station.

If you don’t know their preferences, then it’s time for a chat to test the waters. Once you have them buying into the idea, you can go ahead and plan. Always remember the battle cry of experimental sex – consent, safe and sane. Now you are ready to go.

A while ago I wrote about “Bondassage”. I love their work; they continue to educate practitioners worldwide. You can follow them on twitter @CEOBondassage. Today’s play is based loosely on their work.

You will need silk ties (you can purchase them online or make them yourself) or a blindfold. I prefer the ties because you can use them as part of the play before using them as a blindfold.

This play does not have to be an expensive exercise. You probably have everything you need already. You will start to see kitchen utensils in a whole different light. Look for textured items, think silk stockings, brush, gloves, etc and don’t forget the goodies that come automatically – your nails, breath and mouth.

You will also need a paddle. It does not need to be a sexy leather one, you can use anything with a flat surface and a handle – try a wooden spoon. Now before you stop reading, this play has nothing to do with pain and everything to do with pleasure.

Massage oil is optional. You can buy something special or try a massage candle for extra sensation. Raid your kitchen for olive or coconut oil if you have to. Prepare something to drink, water with strawberries or lemon, or your favourite bottle of wine.

Timing is everything. If one of you is distracted by work, children or sick parents, reschedule. You are either going to gift this play to your partner (which means you expect nothing in return) or you are going to take turns so the play will end with orgasms all round.

On the play date make sure you have all your pleasure tools ready. There is nothing worse than someone popping out of the room to get something they forgot. If you are precious about your sheets, put down towels to protect them. Turn down the lights. We are all aware of what our hail damage looks like in bright light.

Now it’s time to invite your partner to the play room. Slowly undress them and let them lie down on the prepared area. Run the silk tie across their body and drape it while you turn on the music and light the candles. It helps build the anticipation. You can use budget candles or splurge on scented ones. Ylang ylang, sandalwood, vanilla andr patchouli have very sensual smells.

Now it’s time to play. Blindfold your partner. The lack of sight will heighten all the other sensations on offer. You are going to start with long slow strokes, all over, avoiding the genitals for now. Remember to stroke the areas that seldom get touched, like the inside of the elbows, back of the knees, ankles inside the palm, etc. Be gentle or firm depending on your partner’s preferences.

Now the paddle comes into play. You are going to lightly tap your partner’s body bringing blood to the surface of their skin. This is not meant to be painful but to make the skin more sensitive. Blow on the skin for an immediate reaction.

Now it’s time to apply the massage oil. If you are using a massage candle, ensure it hasn’t got too hot. Ordinary oil should be at least body temperature. While you are applying the oil change the pressure of the touch from light to firm and back again. Add your nails into the play. Remember this is all about sensation, not drawing blood. Use the pleasure tools you have collected. Get feedback.

Once again avoid the prime real estate areas, genitals and breasts. You’ll eventually get there but they are not the opening act.

You should be pleasing both sides of the body. Have a sip of water, wine or gin and turn around for the pleasure to continue. Repeat the process.

If you are both naked at this stage, which I recommend, rub your bodies together. This action will release so many happy hormones that you will forget all your ills and only feel pleasure.

If you need more information on safe words or additional plays visit my blog at www.blog.lolamontez.co.za or e-mail sharon@lolamontez.co.za