Saturday Star

Babies not the way to fix any relationsh­ip


asks: “Why do we have children? Do we need children or is it just a selfish act connecting us to the wish of being loved by someone forever?”

Dear Anne, nobody needs children. I am wondering if you are childless and/or considerin­g having another child. When women put careers and goals first, time eventually catches up and reminds them that the clock is ticking. When time runs out we need a reason to have children and, I dare say, this is where you find yourself.

Children are human beings who have their own needs. It certainly seems selfish to me to want a child for one’s own needs, or to secure a relationsh­ip.

The underlying assumption is that it is even possible for a new baby to secure a relationsh­ip.

In my opinion this is a myth. There are less risky ways to work on a relationsh­ip to secure it.

If you and your partner have ever argued about money, the chances are that you will argue more when raising children. Not only do children cost money, but parenting a child puts more strain on any relationsh­ip.

All you have to do is speak to one of the many single mothers who are raising children alone to realise this. A baby does not secure a relationsh­ip, and to hope that it will make a man love you forever is taking a shot in the dark.

In fact, hoping the responsibi­lity of raising a child will emotion- ally bind a man is a plea to be in a dependent relationsh­ip.

If the relationsh­ip does not work out these women tend to not take responsibi­lity for their own decision to have a child, but blame the man for not being responsibl­e.

A child is not a possession to be used in love and war. It is time for women to be responsibl­e with nature’s fertility gift. Nothing is more attractive than a self-confident independen­t woman. Work on your relationsh­ip instead, and then, if you feel it is secure enough and you still want a child to enjoy, have one for that reason.

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