Your teen and his friends
YOUR son needs friends, and longs for them. They become key to his development and emotional well-being. Yet the moment you put a bunch of boys together, they act differently. They have their own language with all kinds of male “posturing” going on.
One young man told me that he cannot explain it. He goes to hang out with his friends and talk, but the next minute there’s an energy around and the need to jostle, compete or play a game. He says it just happens, and that it’s something to do with how testosterone or instincts affect boys when they are together.
Every time I have walked into an all-boys dining area at a boarding school, I have certainly felt this. There’s a palpable energy among a group of boys hanging out together. It’s loud, it’s action-orientated and it definitely has its unspoken rules.
Let’s look at some of these “bro rules” that many psychologists talking about masculinity verify.
The bro rules and friends
• Stand up for your buddies no matter what.
• Actions speak louder than words.
• Be there when your friends need you.
• Stay cool no matter what.
• Teasing is an acceptable way to show affection – just don’t go too far. Things to be concerned about
• If your son is lonely.
• If your son does not socialise.
• If your son does not bring his friends home.
• If your son does not have friends of both sexes.
• If he has a permanent girlfriend too early and they isolate themselves. Is your home “‘boy-friendly”?
• There is somewhere they can gather comfortably and have privacy.
• You have plenty of food and drinks that they like and are allowed
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• There is stuff that they like to do (pool table, music, video games).
• You know your son’s friends and greet them by name.
• You don’t criticise him in front of his friends.
How to encourage his friendships
• Involve his friends in some family activities.
• Get to know his friends’ parents.
• Praise his acts of friendship openly.
PEACHES AND CREAM SWISS ROLL
Zola Nene whipped up this amazingly fresh and tasty stone-fruit inspired dish
METHOD
Peel and slice the the peaches, discarding skins and pips, then place them into a pot along with the sugar, water and vanilla. Place on a low heat, then stir until the sugar dissolves. Turn up the heat to medium, and simmer for 10 minutes until the peaches soften and the liquid reduces and thickens. Set aside to cool completely.
Preheat the oven to 180ºc. Line a rectangular baking tray (23x33cm) with baking paper. Make the sponge by whisking the eggs, castor sugar and vanilla with an electric beater until pale and thick (ribbon stage). Sift together the flour and baking powder, then fold into the egg mixture. Pour into the prepared
• Tolerate the loud music and loud voices as much as you can.
• Don’t constantly object to his phone usage.
Why friends of the opposite sex are important
• Boys do not feel the need to compete with girls.
• Girls offer different viewpoints and activities in social situations.
• Girls make it safe for a boy to express his feelings.
• Co-ed friendships demystify women.
Answer: “We can always find a list of reasons why our son’s friends are not good enough. Take your eye off the problem and turn the telescope around. Ask yourself why you are reacting so strongly. Then ask your son what it is he enjoys about this friend. The most important aspect of this situation is the communication and not inhibiting his actions. You may be surprised by your son’s response:
‘We both like surfing. I’m helping him with his maths.’ Once your son has opened up, don’t respond with a moralistic or defensive approach. Think about his response first. If you do have factual evidence of bad behaviour, then speak up:
‘I find your friend clashes with our family values. What do you think?’ He might say, ‘Mom, you are overreacting. You don’t understand him.’ You might reply, ‘Perhaps that is true. But I do know the friends we choose in life have a huge influence on who we become.’ Then leave it at that.” tray, then bake for 15 to 20 minutes until the sponge is just set – it will spring back when touched. Do not over-bake. Sprinkle castor sugar onto a clean tea towel, then flip the baked sponge onto the towel. Peel away the baking paper lining, then roll the sponge tightly in the tea towel. The towel should be wrapped within the roll of the sponge. Set aside to cool completely.
Whisk the cream, icing sugar and vanilla to stiff peaks. Drain the cooled peach compote to separate the syrup. Once the sponge is cool, unwrap it from the towel. Brush the sponge with a thin layer of the reserved peach syrup. Spread the whipped cream evenly over the sponge, then top with the peach compote. Roll the sponge to encase the filling and form the Swiss roll. Place into the fridge to set for 30 minutes before slicing and serving.
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