THINK TWICE BEFORE POSTING YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY
Sonia and Matthew Booth’s cheesecake drama is history repeating itself
ONE wonders if Sonia Booth knew the repercussions once she clicked “post” on those receipts she collected after taking a deep dive into her husband Matthew’s alleged affair.
Sis came prepared, from digging up car-tracking screenshots to pictures of that now-infamous Tupperware hubby used to transport a delicious cheesecake.
What was that saying? “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” But that’s the picture we all want to paint as it’s easier to label her as unhinged or vengeful. As women, we can be emotional creatures. All common sense goes out the window. The argument is that Matthew deserved what was coming to him if he was guilty of those allegations.
Reading Sonia’s posts, in which she names and shames her alleged love rival, her anger was understandable.
But the thing about airing your dirty laundry in the streets is that it has a nasty habit of turning on you. The internet never forgets, and if you’ve posted something in a moment of anger or haste, it will live there forever.
Even after Matthew released a statement denying his wife’s claims, the damage had been done. The doubt had been cast.
It’s a case of history repeating itself over and over again.
In November 2020, The Expresso Morning Show host Katlego Maboe found himself having to defend his character when ex-girlfriend and baby mama Monique Muller made some explosive accusations. A video of Maboe and Muller arguing over his indiscretions surfaced on social media. In the clip, the former couple were seen arguing over his affair with an acquaintance and Muller accusing him of infecting her with an STI.
The fallout was enormous. Maboe and Muller were involved in a lengthy court case. Maboe’s brand was damaged, or so we thought after Outsurance and Expresso both dumped him.
Muller’s image was tarnished as the tainted woman out for revenge and, up to this day, whenever she posts something on social media, the online bullies continue baying for blood.
And then there’s our favourite controversial Twitter alumnus, Nhlamulo “Nota” Baloy. The rapper has been involved in a war of words with estranged wife Berita.
The constant target of Nota’s online rants, the singer had to contend with her husband putting her through the emotional abuse of sharing everything online.
In a recent tweet, she wrote: “Nhlamulo, you are humiliating me. Stop it! I’m tired of this. I am no longer your wife. We are separated! We have spoken about this.”
The tendency to use social media as your personal soapbox and to settle vendettas seems to be a trend, especially with public figures.
“I think celebs are energised by the love and attention shown to them by their fans; so it’s easy to mistake
social media as the place to go when you’re hurting to get love and support,” explained conscious relationship coach Kas Naidoo.
Relationship expert and author Paula Quinsee was more or less of the same opinion. “Hurt people tend to lash out and when you’re living in the public eye, it’s natural to want to garner support from your followers as they are an extension of your daily life and social interactions,” said Quinsee. But there is always a “but”. As Quinsee put it, “Airing your dirty laundry can have repercussions as posts shared in rage or with the intent to lash out and hurt others can cause more damage than good.”
After Sonia’s revelations, she had to contend with nasty online comments and being the subject of various memes. Even while writing this, she and Matthew are topping the Twitter trends. The chances of things ending well are probably nil, considering Matthew announced he would be getting his lawyers involved.
In their case, as with so many others, surely there must be a dignified way of outing a cheating partner?
“Most people who try to embarrass their partners publicly, whether to family and friends or in this case on social media, do it from a place of intense pain,” said Naidoo. “Because it’s so public; even if there was a chance of saving this relationship, it’s now gone.”
Naidoo also mentioned a valid point – credibility in the public eye.
“Once one makes public statements, if you want to go back and fix this relationship, you lose credibility in the eyes of the very same people you went to for support in the first place. They backed you on one decision; they cannot now back you on the opposite decision,” she said.
Keep it simple and don’t handle your personal affairs on a public forum, suggested Quinsee.
“A simple and factual statement may have been a more appropriate way of dealing with this situation and potentially created a more supportive space than the perceived ‘scorned woman’ sentiment doing the rounds.”
There’s also reputational damage, as seen with Maboe, despite him making his TV comeback this year. Let’s not forget about the emotional harm caused. “Mudslinging rarely ends well and having to rebuild one’s reputation, public or personal, can take a long time and take its toll mentally and emotionally,” said Quinsee.
Naidoo’s thinking was more about future pain. “There is obviously a lot of anger now, but anger masks our pain,” she said. “The emotions that will stay on after the initial anger subsides are blame, guilt and shame.”
In Naidoo’s opinion, everything comes full circle – for every ending, there is a beginning. “What is truly lacking in today’s world, celebs or not, are the tools to create a strong foundation for a relationship upfront.
“The tools for deeper communication and the tools to resolve conflict as it happens, instead of it escalating to the point where one partner looks outside the relationship to feel loved, seen and appreciated.
“Relationships don’t fail for no reason, and if someone is happy in their relationship, they have no reason to look outside their relationship,” said Quinsee on what to do when dealing with infidelity.
“Both parties contribute to their relationship breakdown and the key is to understand your role in the situation, how you both got there, take accountability for your contribution, decide whether the relationship is repairable, seek professional help to assist you in processing the situation, and coming back from it stronger, whether that be on your own or together,” she said.
Naidoo agreed with that, and added: “The first step is to open up the communication between you and your partner. Get a professional to help you to understand why this occurred and to fully express how you both feel, and to understand why the infidelity occurred.”