Soweto Derby history lesson

When in conversation with Kaizer Chiefs’ long-suffering supporter Freddie ‘Saddam’ Maake about matters relating to his beloved club, it feels like you’ve just reunited with your long-lost friend, so you must have a lot of time. More so when the topic of discussion is the Soweto Derby. Originally a Moroka Swallows fan who crossed the floor to Naturena, he has been with his team through thick and thin, and if ever you were in doubt about the significance of the rivalry between Amakhosi and Orlando Pirates, then listen to this...

“Before we talk about Round 3 of the Soweto Derby, I feel like sharing the history of this game. There have been 161 derbies played, with Kaizer Chiefs winning 67, Orlando Pirates 42 and 52 draws. In addition, Chiefs have scored 211 goals and Pirates 176. Five games have been postponed for various reasons. So we’ve been beating these people all along and now they’re talking nonstop just because they started beating us in the 2000s. It’s always important never to forget – I mean, before there was a BMW or a Mercedes Benz, there was Six Mabone and before there was a Quantum, there was the E20. If I can put it in Zulu, sihlukumezekile ngulo mlisa u (we suffered with this man) Giovanni Solinas, usikhawathile (he killed us). We were a disgrace under him. When he came in, we told him to make sure to beat Pirates and Mamelodi Sundowns for his job to be safe. Ernst Middendorp has never lost to Pirates. We might have lost to Cape Town City and won only via an own goal against Tornado FC, but all that doesn’t matter when it comes to the derby. This is a township fight. When these two teams play, the crime rate goes down – criminals and nyaope boys stop and watch. Funerals are postponed to the next day. I’ll never attend a funeral on Soweto Derby day, even if it’s the president’s! I have one appeal to the media and that is to differentiate between a derby and a mini-derby. It’s like a voucher and a mini-voucher. You get a voucher where you win a house or a car or go on a trip to France or Germany, and then there’s a mini-voucher that they give you to buy groceries that will last for two days or a pen or a cellphone. Sundowns against SuperSport United is not a derby! When they say “Tshwane Derby”, sometimes people think Chiefs and Pirates are going to play in Tshwane. They travel all the way to the capital city and then have to go back home disappointed. In Spain, the only derby is Real Madrid v Barcelona. Let’s not mix water with oil. Can you play this derby at Makhulong? Princess Magogo? Dr Petrus Molemela? Lucas Masterpieces? Kahleni madoda (No ways)! Pirates’ card was swallowed by the Nedbank ATM and now they’ll be contesting the inaugural SASSA Cup against SuperSport. The winner will walk away with R7 500 in prize money and entrance is R5 at the gate. As for us, we are gunning for R7 million in the Nedbank Cup! By the way, while in my sleep last Thursday evening, I dreamt the commentator shouting, ‘Kaizer Chiefs 2, Orlando Pirates 1, one minute remaining’, before I woke up!”