ORLANDO PIRATES’ THABO MATLABA

Festival, welcome back. You had us in stitches last week, so let’s start from where we left off...

Ha, ha, ha, no stress, my brother, asikhulume (let’s talk). I remember during our time at Free State Stars, bengihlala no (I used to stay with) Mpho (Makola) and Mzikayise Mashaba. This one time we had just got back home from training and hungry, so we asked Bibo (Mpho) to cook since it was his turn to do so. I had done my part, which was to ‘cook’ the eggs, which was the only thing I could really master in the kitchen, ha, ha, ha. I must also add soft porridge (we call it makaku) to the list because I think I was also good at it. I would then put some pilchard together with the eggs on the side. That morning I prepared eggs and porridge for the boys and I know a lot of people will not understand this but, where I come from, it is common practice to have this kind of meal. You put your eggs, pilchard gravy and porridge together and enjoy, ha, ha, ha. Whenever I cooked it, I always made sure that we were all at home to enjoy it together; no one would be eating alone. The first time I introduced the boys to it, they couldn’t believe it and kept asking, “Is this food?” Ha, ha, ha, I had to confess to the boys that that was the only food I could prepare. Funny thing is that whenever they were hungry and tired, they wouldn’t mind eating it otherwise they wouldn’t want to even touch my food, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, we can imagine.

So that day it was Bibo’s turn and he looked like he knew what he was doing because there was meat, mealie meal, onion, fish oil and everything you can think of on the kitchen table. My man, to this day, I really don’t know how he managed to mess all of that up so badly, ha, ha, ha. As hungry as we were, we didn’t have more than two spoons of his pap and that was it. We just told him, “Thank you so much, my brother, no more cooking for you,” ha, ha, ha. To be honest with you, we just gave up on cooking and started eating take-aways because we were all ll so bbadd iin ththe kitkitchen.h WWe never even gave Muzi a chance because he was new and a very quiet guy.

Right. Please tell us more.

I have a story about (Thamsanqa) Gabuza and I’m sure your readers will enjoy it because uGabuza lihlanya nje (is just crazy). We were coming back from Egypt and he was sitting at the back of the plane with (Ntsikelelo) Nyauza. You know how loud Gabuza can be – he was in his element, making noise and fooling around. This other Arab guy pleaded with them to keep their voices down because they were disturbing him with their noise. Eish, Gabuza and Nyauza wouldn’t hear none of it and made it clear that they were not going to be told what to do, by anyone. They went on and on about the fact that they’re from South Africa and their fathers are ‘Kings’, ha, ha, ha. My brother, the people who were with the Arab guy joined in and it was back and forth on the plane with the guys having a go at each other, much to the surprise of everyone on board. The Arab guy wasn’t happy at all with the level of disrespect he received from the young guys from South Africa. He was busy on his laptop and then he stood up and went straight to the toilet. Apparently, he broke the laptop and then came back to his seat, without saying a word to anyone.

Hmmm…

Remember, we – as Orlando Pirates players – all had about $600 from our daily allowance and we were all looking forward to exchanging our Dollars into Rands when we land back at OR Tambo International. The Arab guy called one of the cabin crew members b and d ttoldld hher ththatt GGabuzab and d Nyauza broke his laptop and he doesn’t want to cause problems on the flight. Ha, ha, ha, eish, that became a big thing, so much that the air hostess had to call the police in Dubai, where we were going to get a connecting flight back to Jozi. The police were told that there are people that need to be arrested for causing violence and breaking someone’s laptop on the flight. Mind you, everyone heard Gabuza and Nyauza telling this guy that their fathers were ‘Kings’ and all that. It even got to a stage where they promised to even ‘buy’ the Arab guy right on the spot, ha, ha, ha. The Arab guy stood up and reminded them that they said they were wealthy and all that, so all he needs is for the guys to pay him so that he can buy a new laptop, as the ‘Kings’ sons, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, what happened next?

The Arab guy demanded his money and I think his laptop’s price was around R8 000, which was almost the same amount we were going to get when we exchanged our $600. The guys tried to explain that they didn’t break the man’s laptop and that he went to the toilet with it and must have broken it himself. The man stood his ground and told them if they don’t buy the laptop, then he will get them arrested in Dubai and they won’t make the trip to South Africa to their fathers who are ‘Kings’. This whole thing caught the attention of uBaba (Mr) Screamer Tshabalala, who was seated a couple of rows away from us and he came to find out what was going on. He was given the story and all he said was, “Gabuza, Gabuza, Gabuza, hey, hey, ufuna ukung’faka enkingeni manje (you want to get me into trouble now)? Did you hear that the police are waiting for you in Dubai? Please give this guy his money so that he can buy a new laptop man.” Eish, and the look on Gabuza’s face as he took out his $600 to pay the guy… we just couldn’t stop laughing because, all of a sudden, after all the noise he made, he was so stressed, ha, ha, ha. He paid the money and Mr Tshabalala spoke to the Arab guy and we landed in Dubai without any problems. Gabuza was so quiet on the plane and we asked him why he doesn’t ask Nyauza to share his own allowance since they were together against the Arab guy, but Nyauza refused flatly, ha, ha, ha. Sadly, while we exchanged our dollars after we landed back home, Gabuza had none, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, eish, Ganda-Ganda. Festi, let’s hold it there for this week, looking forward to more stories next week.

Ha, ha, ha, no stress, man. I have one or two more stories about Gabuza and other guys as well, ha, ha, ha.

“We were all so bad in the kitchen.” “Gabuza was so quiet on the plane.”