ORLANDO PIRATES’ THABO MATLABA (PART 3)

Festival, you promised another Thamsanqa Gabuza classic when we last spoke last week.

Ha, ha, ha, yes, man. I was still telling you about what happened when we were exchanging our dollars to rands at the OR Tambo International Airport. Because Gabuza had no dollars, he went to iNduna (Siyabonga Sangweni) to ask him to please speak to (Ntsikelelo) Nyauza and get him to share his dollars with him since they were together against the Arab guy. INduna dismissed him straight away. “Hey, hey,

ungang’faki ezintweni zakho! Ungang’faki! (don’t involve me in your business, don’t!),” he said. I think that’s when Gabuza realised that he had no one backing him because if he was turned down by his homeboy in Sangweni, then he had no one else to turn to, ha, ha, ha. He also knew that it would take just one sentence for iNduna to get Nyauza to share his dollars with him, that’s how much respect we had for Siyabonga Sangweni. In fact,

besimesaba (we were scared of him), ha, ha, ha, and, to be honest, if Sangweni had told Nyauza to share his dollars with Gabuza since he was also involved in the argument with the Arab guy, Nyauza wouldn’t have even hesitated. Ha, ha, ha, eish, we laughed at Gabuza so much that day and we just couldn’t stop reminding him of that incident.

Ha, ha, ha, boys being boys.

Ha, ha, ha, you know there are so many stories to share with you, but they don’t come to me now. I think I will need time to think… wait, wait, here’s another Gabuza story. We were at the airport, waiting for our flight, and Gabuza was busy watching videos on his iPad. What happened was that, he was busy watching some of Sangweni’s funny post-match interview video clips, ha, ha, ha. You know what happens in those videos, man (laughs hysterically). Gabuza was so drawn into the videos that he didn’t even see Sangweni coming his direction, ha, ha, ha. My brother, I’m sure you can already imagine what happened next, ha, ha, ha. Sangweni walked around Gabuza and then tturnedd tto see what ht was on hihis iPiPadd screen. Damn! The way iNduna punched Gabuza on his head was unbelievable! That was such a powerful punch that Gabuza felt and took time to recover from, ha, ha, ha. “Yicishe, yicishe! (Delete it, delete it!)” is all Sangweni said as Gabuza was busy trying to block more punching coming his way, in case iNduna wasn’t done with him. He even tried to run away, but that didn’t work as iNduna blocked his move, ha, ha, ha. He grabbed Gabuza and demanded that he deletes the videos, which he did, with one hand rubbing his head after that punch. As funny as this was, none of us could laugh at all because that would be inviting trouble.

What do you mean?

Ha, ha, ha, no one laughs when Sangweni is sorting someone out and we all knew that. If he caught anyone laughing, he would ask what was funny and that would be his next victim, ha, ha, ha. I looked around and could see how hard the guys were trying, so hard, to keep their laughter in and, because we know iNduna so well, no one would risk laughing out loud.

Ha, ha, ha, it must have taken a lot not to laugh.

HHa, hha, hha, eish, ih it wasn’t ’t easy at t all ll bbut, t like I said, we all knew what would happen if anyone laughed. Because I was struggling to keep it all in, I rushed to the bathroom to finally laugh, ha, ha, ha… can you believe it? Gabuza was so quiet after that and it was both funny and sad to see him like that, ha, ha, ha. I don’t want to lie to you, Sangweni hit Gabuza really hard with that punch and, like I said, if anyone laughed, iNduna would have asked, “Uhleka ni ke wena? Yini le ehlekisayo? (What are you laughing at? What’s funny?)” ha, ha, ha, and then you’d be next on his hit list. It was funny to see how the guys were dying to laugh but couldn’t even risk being seen by iNduna laughing, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, during the double treble seasons a lot must have happened behind the scenes.

Ha, ha, ha, some stories have to stay between us, man; I can’t share everything otherwise the guys would kill me, ha, ha, ha. I’m already in trouble with some of the guys because of the stories I’ve told Soccer Laduma already, ha, ha, ha. I don’t want the boys on my back at all but let me tell you about (Siyabonga) Mpontshane and Vieira (Lehlogonolo Masalesa) fighting in the shower, ha, ha, ha. I can’t remember what actually started the fight, but the guys had both just taken a shower, so there we were all naked and the next thing we see is a fight between the two guys, ha, ha, ha. The funniest thing wasn’t just the fight but how they kept slipping because the floor was wet. It was like watching two drunk guys fighting as they kept losing balance. We all jumped and tried to separate them, slipping and all. Then Vieira is like, “Woza (Come let’s go outside),” as he was wrapping himself up in a towel. Mpontshane was like, “I’m not coming outside, la (let’s finish it here) because I know la (you want to collect stones outside),” ha, ha, ha, and Mpontshane was right because we Pedis, when we fight and it looks like we’re losing, the next thing is to pick up stones and start throwing at our opponent, ha, ha, ha. Mpontshane did very well not to follow him outside but, funnily, to this day no one knows why they were fighting, ha, ha, ha. The good thing is that we didn’t really care to know what had happened as we stopped the fight and got the guys to make peace and shake it off, which they did and that was the end.

“Sangweni hit Gabuza really hard.”

“It was like watching two drunk guys fighting as they kept losing balance.”

Ha, ha, ha, another funny offering this week, Festival! Thanks so much. Let’s please do this again next week.

Ha, ha, ha, no stress, my brother.