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VUSI DHLAMINI (PART 3)

We keep going. What have you got in your bag of funny stories this week?

There was this time (at Golden Arrows) they put us in a clubhouse and we didn’t really like it. This other time, we were coming from training… it was me, Sakhile Mhlangu, Lucky Sibeko and Norman Smith. We decided to go out and have a couple of cold ones, and remember, according to the rules, we were supposed to be back at the clubhouse by 15h00. On this occasion, as we were knocking back the drinks, the curfew seemed to be the last thing on our minds. Just after 18h00, we then decided to leave for the clubhouse, although we knew the gate had been shut, and we were well and truly in a state of inebriation. When we got there, you know how it is when people have had a few… we started pushing the gate and doing all sorts of things. We were in trouble for it. Rocky Madlala even called the cops on us, ha, ha, ha. He instructed them to remove us from the clubhouse because we didn’t listen. “Y2K” (Sibeko), in particular, kept saying there was no way he was going to stay in a clubhouse emdala kangaka (at his age). We said ayikho lendaba, vele siyahamba (we aren’t tolerating this, we’re moving). We left and never came back. Rocky said he never wanted to see us set foot there again. We also had Siyabonga Sangweni… ha, ha, ha, he’s going to kill me!

Yeah, he wasn’t one to mess with. “Nduna” had a tricky time trying to get his message across in English. In fact, for a lot of the Arrows players, it was difficult to go and report to the physio, Dougie Sheppard, when they had injuries, because of this English problem. A player would rather stay with a hidden injury than go and heal it, ha, ha, ha. So, one day, Nduna was running in this funny way at training and they asked him what the problem was. He said his knee was giving him a problem. They suggested he go to Sheppard and tell him so he could see what to do. That day, I also had an ankle knock, so I was there when Nduna walked in.

Sheppard asked him, “What’s the problem?” Nduna said, “You know, Mr Sheppard, my knew nhe, when I run, qha, qha, qha.”

Ha, ha, ha, I couldn’t help but laugh and then he asked me,

“Uhlekani (What are you laughing at)?” I said, “No,

angihleki

(I’m not laughing).” Sheppard asked, “What is qha, qha, qha?” He said, “Yes, when I run, qha, qha, qha.” I could see

Sheppard was confused, so I asked Nduna, “Nduna, yini kanti (what’s the matter)?” He said, “Hayi maan idolo lami liyakhala maan uma ngabe ngigijima (No, man, my knee is making a sound when I’m running).” I said, “Oh, ok.” I told Sheppard that it appears that Nduna’s kneecap moves out of its position when he’s running.

Ha, ha, ha.

Whenever there were people from TV who arrived at our training ground, the Arrows players would suddenly frown, ha, ha, ha. Yho, amajita bekakwata

(guys would get upset). What most guys would do was to leave training early, and you would be asking yourself, “Where did this one go?” They’d go out as if to go and look for something in the change room or to use the bathroom, only to realise they were gone. That’s how scared of speaking English most of the guys were. So, you would sometimes end up doing an interview although those TV people weren’t there for you, ha, ha, ha. But it was a good team with very talented players. I’m telling you, if you didn’t know football and you were part of that team, then you’d have a big problem. The guys were always on the case of the late Bheka Phakathi during small-sided games because his passes were always astray and would go out of play. They’d ask him, “How did you sign for Orlando Pirates when you are always passing the ball outside the field?” You had to always be ready to trap the ball when receiving a pass from him because he believed in passing it to feet rather than in space. He didn’t like it when the guys pointed those things out to him because bekangekho mnandi (he wasn’t good at it). It was tough there. You had guys like Thokozani Mshengu… hayi, hayi, hayi (no, no, no). The thing is, our boss, Rocky, was something else. He’d tell you straight, “You will leave this team when I say so.” You’d ask him, “But what about the contract?” He’d say, “I know about contracts, but I’m telling you, you will leave only when I say so.” He just had that love for the team and for his players. He was a good boss. There was a lot of muti in Giyani (at Dynamos). Eish, bezibuya (it was hectic).

Tell us about it then.

Every chance they got in camp, they’d get us into a bathtub. I remember one time we were playing Moroka Swallows at home. Our inyanga gave us Xtra Strong sweets. I took one and put it in my mouth, and I was told these were not for munching on. Apparently, we’d be going with these sweets onto the field. I was a little taken aback. I mean, who goes onto the field carrying sweets? Ha, ha, ha. We played the first half and then went to the change room. Before going out for the second half, the inyanga gave Ntokozo Sikhakhane, Sandile Ndlovu and I some muti so we could throw it at the opposition’s goalposts before play resumed. However, this was on one condition: we needed to be out on the field before the opposition. Now, here’s the thing… we go out and… guess what? The Swallows players were already out there, waiting for us, ha, ha, ha. We decided we were nevertheless going to execute our task come hell or high water. The three of us started running towards the Swallows goalposts, much to their players’ bemusement. They decided they wouldn’t just let this strange occurrence slide, so they started running after us. We hadn’t even reached the goalposts when they forcefully turned us back. We weren’t even able to throw the stuff in there. Crazy hey. The supporters were watching the whole thing unfolding, probably wondering what on earth was going on. One time we went to play Arrows away. They refused to let us into the dressing room and we ended up using our bus as our change room. Officials from both sides got into a fight! On another occasion, we went to play Orlando Pirates. Before the game, we were told that we could go and warm up on whichever side of the field we wanted to, as long as we were the first team to arrive on the field. Alas, when we went out, the security guards were standing there on the centre-line, telling us which side to go and warm up on. The late Arthur Bartman wanted nothing to do with muti, but Pat (Malabela) loved it. But, for me, that thing didn’t work because we used to lose games even after using it.