FEW DAYS ’ PATERNITY LEAVE ENTRENCHES SEXISM
OUR society is often up in arms over fathers who are absent from their children.
But addressing the issue of men being present for the duration of their children ’ s life should begin by creating the opportunity for them to be there from the beginning, when their children are born.
Parenting begins when a child is born and, in the same way that a mother would be expected to bond with her child, the same should be expected of men.
The bond that I refer to is important, encouraging the presence of fathers in their children ’ s lives.
But many fathers out there would not even know about this bond because most of them are given limited time to connect with their children from birth because of the current legislation on paternity leave.
A few days of paternity leave is not and will never be sufficient for fathers to be able to form a strong bond with their newborn children compared to at least a month.
A consideration of an extension of paternity leave to at least 30 days should not only consider the length of the time but the extent to which fathers are able to connect with their children and share in the responsibility of caring for them from birth.
In as much as legislation supports women on issues of maintenance, legislation should also be reviewed to recognise the role of fathers and the needs of children.
The idea of a village raising a child should not mean that fathers have no role but should emphasise the responsibilities of both parents.
Both silent and vocal demands for fathers to be present in their children ’ s lives speak to the importance of promoting gender equality in our society.
Those fathers who shirk their responsibility by being absent from their children place a disproportionate burden on mothers when it comes to raising children.
This creates inequality between men and women in practical terms within the household.
Given the type of complexities that exist in parenting, it is obvious that the need for fathers to be pre- sent needs to be given attention.
I know too well what it means to bear the burden as a single parent because my mother was a single parent.
She raised her children in the best way she could under the circumstances that prevailed during my childhood.
At times I wonder how life would have been had my father been present in my life.
I often wonder whether it would have eased my mother ’ s burden. But I will never know.
The presence of fathers in the lives of their children should go beyond economic considerations and the provision of financial maintenance to the emotional, psychological and social support that they can and must provide to their partners and children.
Failure to find balance between the material and psychosocial obligations of fathers will lead to the perpetuation of the trend of “ATM fathers ”– fathers who only provide financial maintenance to their children but are not involved in their lives.
Amending the law on paternity will begin to highlight the importance of striking this balance.
The current provisions on paternity leave add to the problem of placing the burden of child rearing on mothers.
Current legislation unfortunately does not foster equality in the responsibility between men and women in raising children from birth.
In fact, fathers are pushed out of that realm because they are deprived of the opportunity to play a leading role in the lives of their children from birth. Men are actually isolated from their partners and their children.
And so the current legal framework creates an enabling environment for absentee fathers. A review and change of paternity leave legislation will thus place an obligation on fathers to take up their responsibilities and improve the state of our families.
Botha is media specialist at Sonke Gender Justice and a commissioner at the Commission for Gender Equality