PARENTS SEEM TO BE THE LAST TO KNOW
having sex is unfathomable.
The harsh reality, however, is that, yes, sex between minors is happening. The Annual Schools Survey by the department of basic education shockingly revealed that 582 girls between the ages of eight and 14 fell pregnant in 2010.
Parents seem to be the last to know that their teens are having sex, though, some knowing for the first time when their “little girl ” falls pregnant.
But are there subtle signs parents are oblivious to that indicate that your teen is having sex? Could you have missed something as a parent? Clinical psychologist Katlego Hope Mahlakoleng said, yes, even though the clues might be clandestine, you can as a parent figure out that your child is interested in sex, and step in to nip the situation in the bud.
We start by asking the question most parents want to know; why are teens interested in sex?
“Puberty is an inevitable developmental phase where teenagers develop a natural interest in sexual intercourse,” said Mahlakoleng.
“In this stage their bodies biologically prepare for reproduction. A psychosocial development theory proves that, in this stage, teenagers are concerned with how they appear to others and develop a sense of sexual identity.”
So what are the signs that parents can look out for? Dress code Is your teen suddenly a
Demanding expensive designer clothes? Or perhaps bidding farewell to the baby-doll dresses and ribbons in their hair and opting for bikini tops, heels and bum shorts?
This is a potential red flag, said Mahlakoleng.
“Teenage girls would rather opt for low-cut skirts, short denims, and bikini tops. Any clothing that makes them feel sexy. This makes them feel sexually attractive and affords them the opportunity to express their sexual interest.
“Teenage boys tend to demand label clothing.” Mahlakoleng said this change in dress sense is not only to woo friends, but a potential sexual interest. Changes in behaviour Mahlakoleng said a sudden change in daily routines or patterns should make a parent raise an eyebrow. She advised to look out for the following:
Sudden privacy and obsession with their phone; Passwords on their phones; Language coding in conversations with their peers; and
Frequent bathing and wanting to wash their own clothes; this could be an attempt to hide smells or foreign perfume or sexual scents. Self-image obsession Do you find yourself fighting for the mirror with your teen?
Are they suddenly asking you not to be heavy handed when dishing up?
Mahlakoleng said that when teenagers become too image obsessed it is often an indication that they may be sexually active.
“Girls will suddenly have an obsession to be skinny and spark an interest in make-up and sophisticated hairstyles. It makes them feel mature and they think it attracts older men.
“With boys, they are more focused on muscle building.” Breaking curfew, staying out late and sleepovers with “friends” While it ’ s every teenager ’ s habit to break the curfew, Mahlakoleng said this was often an indication that they are out with significant others. Keep an eye on that. Sudden interest in parents’ whereabouts Is your teen keeping tabs on you? Do they know your shift schedule?
This could be another warning sign, according to Mahlakoleng.
“They mostly want the privacy when you are not around to be able to explore sexuality, through masturbation or, worse, bringing someone over.”
Requests for sleepovers at friends ’ homes could be a trick for sex. Mahlakoleng said the teen could be lovers with the friend ’ s sibling.
“It ’ s easier to switch beds in the middle of the night to have sex as not every parent is vigilant.”