AS LONG AS THEY KEEP US LAUGHING THEY CAN STAY
PLOBREM WITH ENGRISH
VERA was pleasantly surprised that Number One can make fun of himself and his own interesting English.
Msholozi was so revved up as he berated the ANC, for failing to change the violent psyche of South Africans, that he invented his own words.
“I think we are ‘ vuning ’… (giggle). Hawu sengikhuluma isiZulu! I mean we are reaping what we did not even sow. We didn ’ t have a systematic way of teaching people about our own constitution. ”
As if that was not enough, he made up another word “mosharing ” (note: Zulu for messing me up uyangimosha).
This happened as he went out of his way to put on record which football team he supports.
“It ’ s Usuthu,” he said, giggling, as he pointed out that ANC spokesman Zizi Kodwa was painting him with the wrong brush.
“Zizi is mosharing me,” he said, because Kodwa had associated him with the wrong club.
Hawu, this Engrish she is so difficult hey madoda.
FEEL FREE TO RETIRE
Being president is not child ’ s play. Even Number One admitted to that much.
It was quite a delight watching him and imagining his life in the tranquillity at the side of the Nkandla fire pool, sipping a beverage he ’ s just bought from MaKhumalo ’ s in-house spaza shop, without a care in the world...
Ja neh, this is going to be a long four years.
GROVELLER-IN-CHIEF
Oh, and Vera almost forgot, Baba was unfashionably late, keeping his potential fatherin-law the Iron Duke (Irvin Khoza)
edgy and a bit fidgety.
It was quite a sight watching Mzansi ’ s de facto prime minister Gwede Mantashe grovelling: “Baaaba Baaaba ” as Number One made his way in.
Forget Zuma, The Duke was so chuffed to see Baleka Mbete in person. He couldn ’ t help mentioning in his speech condemning xenophobia that it was probably the first time he had seen Baleka in person.
Order, Ntate Khoza, order, ortherwise you will not be recognised.
OUT-OF-WORK WORKER
How the mighty have fallen, but you have to give it to the former Cosatu boss Zwelinzima Vavi, who has learnt to adapt, fast.
He introduced himself as the “president of the unemployed workers union ” at Numsa ’ s socialist conference.
But Vera is seeing stars trying to unpack Vavi ’ s title. How can he be a president of “unemployed workers ”? Don ’ t you have to be employed to be a worker?
KING OF GREAT STYLE
Further afield ,Vera was taken aback when she saw the Ruler of the Kingdom by the Sea Goodwill Zwelithini step on to the podium at a recent mbizo looking as if he had just stepped out of a Vogue magazine shoot: sharp suit and a pitch-black afro.
It was a debonair look that one would adopt if one was about to convince all and sundry that one had nothing but goodwill. Bayede!
Now Vera knows where to send all the other politicians who believe they can moonlight as part-time models, except the general, Bheki Cele and Tony Yengeni, of course.