LEADERS IN SCHOOL GARB AND OTHER NIGHTMARES
LARD IN UNIFORM
THIS being Youth Month and yesterday the 40th anniversary of the June 16 student uprising, Vera was a little apprehensive of the government-led commemorations.
You see, every year on June 16 we get bombarded with unsightly sights of people who have no right to be in revealing clothing of any kind squeezing layer upon layer of fat into school uniforms.
What started off as a noble idea has descended into the extremely ludicrous.
So, it was with more than a little trepidation that Vera switched on the telly yesterday. She said a silent prayer as she remembered that Namba Wan was scheduled to give the keynote address at Orlando Stadium.
BRING ON MAMA ACTION
THEN the imagination ran wild. Vera started imagining Namba Wan’s favourite ladies in those hideous uniforms.
Close your eyes a while, imagine Smallernyana Skeletons in a gymslip, then imagine Angie, the head mistress. Imagine Gogo Baleka, imagine Grumpy Jessie, imagine commerce teacher Cyril and Uncle Gwede in school blazers.
It was getting worse and Vera nearly hurled the remote at the screen when suddenly she remembered pictures Nomvula Mokonyane posted last year in her school uniform. Aah, now we’re talking… bring it on
Mama Action! Still, it needs to be said, maybe there is a thesis to be written on how all these big mamas manage to squeeze all that lard into those gymslips, year after year.
Bring on June 16 2017 already.
RUDE AWAKENING
This imagination thing is wreaking havoc with Vera. The other day she woke up with a cold sweat running down her spine, thanks to a nightmare she had just had in the wee hours of the morning. Initially the dream was going swimmingly well, probably from the subconscious thoughts from a previous observation when Vera wrote of how well the title of professor would sit on “Hotstix” Mabuse, who is looking yummier as the years roll on. In the dream, people whose names and character would perfectly suit the title of professor were rolling off some list … Professor Mbuyiseni Ndlozi – aaah! Vera is so in love with the People’s Bae that that one came all so natural. Then there was Professor Hugh Masekela, Professor Padi Lehohla, Professor Thuli Madonsela… It went on in that vein until a name came up: Professor Gedleyihlek… and that’s when Vera was jolted out of the slumber, perspiring and almost running out of breath. Some names just don’t cut it,
HOMEGROUND ADVANTAGE
Then there was the archbishop who never really made it as big as The Arch, appealing to Smallernyana Skeletons to quit her job because she had said something Marie Antoinettesque in reply to a question in Gogo Baleka’s House. She reportedly said something along the lines of R750 being good enough for the poor to live on. Let her put her money where her mouth is and forgo that princely amount she rakes home every month as a cabinet minister and try surviving on R750. Vera hopes the man of God learnt some lesson about wrestling with pigs in the mud. It was a nonstarter, Archbishop Njongonkulu Ndungane telling Skeletons in that nasal twang of his to quit. Our would probably swat him like an annoying mosquito.