The bland and tasteless come out to part at the July
BEFORE we delve into the hectic weekend Madi had at the Durban July, she would like to start off on a cringeworthy story she caught a whiff of. While celebville brought out their glitz and glamour on the red carpet in Durban, Nokwazi, the rather large KalawaJazmee singer who rose through the ranks from being a backing vocalist for Thandiswa Mazwai, was performing at a tavern in the Joburg CBD. Bathong! It was some unknown DJ’s birthday party at the Kiss Kiss tavern and Nokwazi went to gyrate there as a hired party trick. Sis wam, let’s talk. Madi understands that business is not exactly booming for Thandiswa, and that you have water and lights bills to pay, but what on earth were you thinking agreeing to perform at that rat-infested abyss with a strong stench of urine? Please value your craft enough to be selective about the places you’re caught in next time. I’m sure there were better ways to make the R6 000 you were allegedly paid for your performance. Moving along swiftly. Let’s be honest, Durban July was a big yawn fest this year. No outfit stood out.
And Zizo Beda, Madi knows that you have always had that rural swag going, but it seems like things have gone from mooi to
lelik since becoming a housewife. That bland outfit you wore made cauliflower look like a tantalising piece of chicken. No! Girl, you are young and pretty. Let’s not dive into the school teacher look just yet.
Madi loved Bonang Matheba’s outfit. A bit understated, considering that Bonang is a style icon, but Madi loved the retro aspect of it.
Ausi Khanyi Mbau, you are a mother now. No one wants you to walk around like a Baywatch babe anymore. Those thighs were scary to see. Pearl Thusi really underwhelmed Madi. Cute dress, but Madi sees it more on flower girls in Cofimvaba during an episode of Our Perfect Wedding. Madi is also over the whole “are they or aren’t they” thing with Robert Marawa. Girl, we don’t care, really. Madi liked Nomuzi Mabena’s outfit. She looked like a vampire coming out of a coffin, parched for fresh blood. Nomuzi gets it wrong all the time, so let’s let her be. DJ Zinhle, baby girl, after breastfeeding, boobs become droppy and prune like. So exposing them to all and sundry was probably not a great move. Your outfit reminded Madi of a secretary going to the year-end function, with an eager eye on the chief of staff. Let’s try again next year, love.
The men were so bleh this year though!
Lunga Shabalala, just because you are allegedly hot, doesn’t mean you get to wear sneakers to the July. It was tasteless.
The rest of the guys, including Tira, who Madi thought looked cute a couple of weeks ago, were as plain and boring as bath water.