DEALING WITH GRIEF

SOCIAL worker Khumoetsile Tsimane recommends that one seek counselling after losing a spouse.

“A loss, especially one that is sudden and tragic, has a way of depleting one’s belief in faith, humanity and even love. Therapy can definitely give the mourner some helpful tools to deal with grief in a constructive manner.”

She said it was important to note the five stages of grief, even though not everyone goes through these stages in the same sequence.

Denial and isolation – a typical response to the shocking news of losing a loved one;

Anger – the intense pain may be redirected and expressed as anger, towards family members, strangers or even the deceased;

Bargaining – the “if only” stage, where we try to rationalise our pain by finding alternatives to the tragic end;

Depression – feeling intense sadness and being inhibited by every negative thought imaginable; and

Acceptance – we learn to come to terms with our loss. HELP FOR YOUNG WIDOWS

There are some organisations to help young widows in their grieving process.

One of these is Usizo Empowerment in KwaZuluNatal, founded by Vino Govender, whose husband committed suicide.

Govender started Usizo after realising how little support there was for young widows.

“As a young widow when I should be celebrating my crown birthday of 30, I was mourning the death of my partner together with my five-year-old son. I slumped into a year of depression. None of my family or friends could identify with the death of a spouse, so support was minimal. I went on to study trauma support and counselling to help those in a similar situation. When I felt I had gained enough insight and experience, Usizo Empowerment was born.”

The network connects women and children who have lost a spouse or parent. Contact 083-729-4270.