WINNERS AND RAZ, OUR SERIAL LOSER IN RIO
AFTER THE DAB, THE FALL
VERA knows she has once or twice thought out loud about how she would like the elections to be over and done with.
But the polls provided so much comic relief that Vera is secretly hoping we have such an event every year.
Who can possibly forget the eyesore of the ANC top six doing the dab, all in the belief they were hip and happening when all it did was show up how ridiculous Gweezy and the two magogos in the frontline – Grumpy Jessie and Gog Baleka – were?
Our main man clearly had no such issues as dancing seems to come naturally to him.
Now the nation is done telling politicians, who would normally pass for clowns, what exactly they think of them through the ballot.
Vera is glad we won’t have to watch Oros, that alleged youth, wobbling around a few paces behind Namba Wan trying his hand at this dab thing. Thank God.
This calls for dance lessons to be added to the classroom by the firepool at Nkandla.
NO RAZZMATAZZ IN THE BAY
Now that the ballots have been tallied, Vera couldn’t help but notice that Razzmatazz, who had been roped in to help Khongolose retain eBhayi, had sneaked off to watch the Olympics in Rio. Our man was seconded to the Bay where the president of our national football association had been pretending to be mayor while avoiding some real personal issues.
Noticed how our footie friend also crawled out of the woodwork to make some profound statement that nobody had won the elections there. True that. But Vera wonders how he failed to notice that Khongolose had in the process lost a metropolitan named after SA’s greatest son. Vera suspects that Razzmatazz’s initial entourage included Dannyboy. The plan was to give our soonto-be former mayor some breathing space given that he is allergic to answering hostile questions. Word has it that The Goatee at Luthuli House wanted to know how and why the Bay was lost. So Razzmatazz sought to assure the former mayor that Brazil was safe, that all this talk of people seeking answers was a fib. You see the word FIB didn’t sit too well there, move the three letters around and they almost spell TROUBLE for our hero. It starts looking like the abbreviation for some nasty Americans reportedly seeking answers of their own about that great kick-about we had back in 2010. Phew! too close for comfort.
Vera also wonders whether seeking refuge in Rio with Razz was a good idea, given our excitable minister’s itchy thumbs to star on social media, especially Twitter. That would have given away the mayor’s hideout and the Yankees could
come knocking. Too risky.
MIND THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
That should serve as some lesson for our dear ex-mayor not to associate with a proven loser. Vera even suspects Razzmatazz is a bunch of losers all by himself, which is why he needed to go to Rio where he was guaranteed to rub shoulders with true winners; Wayde van Niekerk anyone?
Vera hopes Razz whispers an important message into Namba Wan’s ear at the next cabinet lekgotla.
He must tell him this Jesus fella means business and even has a huge statue that looms large over Rio! Run Namba Wan, run.