Theatre of the mind and undying faith in Tooth Fairy
THEATRE OF THE MIND
VERA is so glad that she’s found a permanent breakfast radio home since she rediscovered the incomparable Sakina. The presenter understands what it is that makes radio “the theatre of the mind” and gives it to the listeners. Thank you, darling.
JIMMY COMES TO RADIO
Take for example the other day when she hosted the Native Previously Known as Jimmy and Vera’s fellow columnist on the greatest paper in this country, Sowetan of course.
Prince Mashele had penned a piece on the lack of industry of black people on the evidence of our failure to build any industry independent of whites since the dawn of democracy
Mzwanele Manyi
23 years ago.
Ever the Zuma apologist, the assertion was always going to rub the Former Jimmy the wrong way.
Vera’s listening in was sporadic, given that she needed to multitask and carry out her beauty regime at the same time. It ain’t no child’s play looking this gorgeous.
WHAT’S IN A NAME
Vera returned to the wireless just in time to hear a voice in the background scolding Our Prince every time he called the chap “Jimmy”. “Mzwanele” he would remind the columnist time and again. The way he hates that tag, Vera is sure it must have been visited on his unsuspecting self by White Monopoly Capital, the big bad wolf we should all be scared of if The Native Previously Known as Jimmy had his way. At some point Vera was tempted to think there was some new background music Sakina has dreamt up for the show as the voice kept going: “Mzwanele … Mzwanele … Mzwanele.”
APOLOGY THAT NEVER WAS
Then the Prince had enough of it and apologised, tongue firmly in cheek: “Sorry I tend to forget that you have been born again, Mzwanele” and went on again calling the clearly incensed Zumarite by that dreaded name over and over again. “Maybe Jimmy here can tell us …”
“Mzwanele… Mzwanele … Mzwanele” went the new soundtrack in the background.
SPREAD THE LURVE
Being the lady of class that she is, Vera was appalled by the scenes the other day when some thugs, some dressed up as ladies, decided to show their undying love for Orlando Pirates and invaded the pitch, no doubt to plant some kisses on the players.
Vera understands that the rowdy lot felt sorry at the way the poor Pirates players were being abused by Mamelodi Sundowns and thought better to give them hugs. It’s the month of love, darlings.
HALF-TOOTHED’S HALF TRUTHS
Was it not hilarious to hear the Half-Toothed One, at the subsequent Pirates press conference, trying to explain himself?
At the rate he was going, Vera is convinced the make-believe doctor and his half tooth still believe in the Tooth Fairy, even at the ripe old age of 70 or something in that ball park.
OUR ANIMAL FARM
You’ve got to love this parliament of ours. There was The Pig Farmer chairing the joint sitting of the House for the debate of the nonspeech made by Namba Wan last week.
The House, true to form, was degenerating into chaos with Van Damme kicking arse, figuratively of course, and everyone making everyone else’s life hell, as long as they were from the opposition.
“Honourable members, order! … order! Please stop pointing your fingers,” said The Pig Farmer as she tried to calm the waters.
The next thing there she was pointing fingers at someone in the House and screaming at them to “Take your seat!”
Speak of some animals being more equal than others.