Don’t push shy kids into the spotlight
Parents must tread a fine line in dealing with introverts
It can be argued that our personalities start developing in our childhoods. We can remember if we were shy and introverted as children, or outgoing and extroverted.
For people who were introverted, they can remember how hard it was to be thrust into the spotlight or to associate with other children.
Parents of shy children often try to get kids out of their comfort zone to break the shyness. This may work and the child can go on to be a confident adult because of the little push their parents gave them, or it can backfire and see the shy child growing up into an even shyer adult with low selfesteem and confidence issues.
So, if you have a very shy child, should you try to break the shyness or let the child be?
Clinical psychologist Zandie Shabangu says shyness in children is often hereditary.
“Shy parents, according to research, are also most likely to have shy children. This can make parenting a shy child either easy or challenging, depending on how the parent experienced life as a shy child. Shyness is often misunderstood because it is not just one emotion, but includes a mixture of fear, tension, apprehension and/or embarrassment.”
Characteristics to determine if a child is shy:
The child is nervous or
● afraid to be around other children and may avoid interacting with them.
They don’t talk much
● when in fact they have a lot to say to whoever they may be comfortable with.
They watch other children
● and may not join in.
When around other chil
● dren they feel like outsiders. They look away when someone ● looks at them.
They have a soft tone of voice. ●
They have hesitant speech. ● Different subtypes of shy children:
Agreeable shy children – do
● not initiate conversations but respond warmly when their peers approach them. Immature shy children – are ● usually not willing to participate in social activities and if they do approach their peers they do so in an annoying manner. These children are often disliked by their peers due to misunderstanding. Aggressive shy ● children – keep to themselves and when they do interact, do so in angry and hostile ways. These children tend to struggle the most with peer relationships and are the ones more likely to be rejected, excluded or bullied.
Shabangu stresses that it is important for parents to thoroughly investigate the cause of a child’s shyness.
“Children can be shy because they are born that way, they could become shy because of certain things that happened to them, or they could just be sensitive introverts who get their energy from being alone.”
Shabangu says that parents need to tread carefully in trying to combat shyness.
“Parents could give the child a little ‘push’ towards more social interactions, but should also know when not to do that…
“The danger in pushing the child too hard is that the parent may cause them to have low self-esteem, as it may be implied that who they are is not okay and not acceptable.”