It’s not fair to judge women by the clothes they wear

A few weeks ago a new acquaintance of mine told me that drinking alcohol does not suit me.

He provided this unsolicited opinion because he was under the impression that because I love wearing headscarves, therefore, I must be a certain type of woman. A “respectable” young woman, a woman who is home by seven and at church every second day. As the lovely madam Evodia from The Real Housewives of Johannesburg would say “what a joke my darling”.

I was taken aback by his remarks because it’s not fair for women to be put into a singular box, expected to be linear and not fluid. Society has really made us believe that women are either alcoholic, gold-digging or educated, respectable and sober.

But why can’t I be fluid? Why can’t I wear headscarves, drink alcohol, have multiple degrees, bake scones, read books, cook emcimbini, and go clubbing?

A few years ago women, on Twitter, took to posting pictures of themselves in different scenarios of their day-to-day lives.

The idea was to show that women are everything; we have the capabilities to be mothers, professionals, athletes, pastors and wine-drinking and doek-wearing enthusiasts. We can be anything that we choose to be. Men of my age are afforded the luxury to express different sides of their personalities and yet young women are vilified for doing those very same things. For men, it is ‘sowing their oats’ but for women it means she does not have any home training. You’re either labelled a slay queen or a good girl. A married man can visit a local tavern, have a beer and still be regarded as a good family man, while a married woman might just catch an unflattering name from the community such as being “too forward”.

The truth is I don’t conform to the traditional image a headscarf has been thrust upon us, and many other young women don’t either.

If we choose to, we can go clubbing in headscarves with our friends and have an awesome time. Don’t question us about our presence at a club in our doeks, tomorrow we will come in our wigs if we feel like it. Millions of African women wear headscarves because they want to and not because of respectability politics. Sometimes we’re just having a bad hair day; sometimes it’s to protect hair from the harsh elements; sometime’s we’re just too lazy to comb and style our hair while, sometimes, we just want to accessorise. It’s not that deep.

Now, that doesn’t mean that head coverings are not an important part of a woman’s spirituality, faith and tradition. Of course many women cover their heads for religious reasons or as a symbol to show respect at funerals or to their in-laws.

All I have to say is that don’t make up assumptions about the type of person a woman is because of her outer appearance and the clothes she wears. You just might be surprised.