Nothing, dating included, hasn’t been spared a Covid-style abnormal normal
Thinking of that first kiss, first hug and first uhm? Hold it... do you know where Prince Charming has been and what they’ve been up to?
The coronavirus pandemic has not only brutally taken our loved ones from us and shut down businesses, but it also changed the way we socialise.
As companies battled to survive, they moved their operations digitally. We also changed our Friday night dinners or drinks with friends to video chats on WhatsApp behind closed doors on our couches at home.
As we wrap up the month of love, I thought online dating would be a suitable topic because traditional dating as we knew it – meeting somebody at a gathering or on a night out with friends – has also moved to digital. That is where you are likely to score a date.
“There are more decent people on dating sites now, tshomi [friend]. Covid-19 has pushed even the conservative ones to join these platforms,” a friend remarked over lunch at the weekend.
She was talking from experience as she joined a dating site in early 2019 after her relationship of more than three years ended.
She has not met the one yet, but has been chatting to promising candidates.
I also remember laughing during level 5 lockdown after a stranger followed me around a supermarket asking for my number.
I looked at the man and thought he was a risk-taker interested in someone wearing a mask. What if I didn’t have teeth? And at the time I was not interested in dating as I was getting over an eight-year relationship that had ended a year before.
But around early June I decided I was ready and told my friend. She convinced me to open an account on a dating site. I did.
I spoke to a few potential dates and scammers who thought they could relieve me of money. I ended up meeting two people.
One was a complete misfit when we met face-to-face. Even though my meeting with the other did not lead to a romantic connection, I gained a witty, intelligent friend who I am glad to have in my life.
We laugh at each other’s stupid jokes, talk about current affairs and he’s my go-to friend with some of life’s important decisions as he always gives sound advice.
However, my search for my prince charming continues, and when I meet potentials online I’m often faced with difficult questions in these Covid-19 times.
Where do we meet? Normally, it is safer to meet in a crowded place with a stranger but that’s where it would be easy to contract the virus now.
Do I keep the correspondence virtual and for how long? What if I realise I wasted my time if we decide to meet four months after talking?
If we do manage to meet for coffee, how do we proceed? Do I trust him enough to believe that he has been observing lockdown rules? Can I take my mask off and not worry about it?
When things have progressed a bit can I accept an invite for a home-cooked meal (of course by this stage all background checks would have been done)? Is this date worth my life? As anything is possible with two consenting adults under one roof.
So if you find yourself in the same boat as I am, I advise you meet in a public place where there is room for social distancing, i.e. a restaurant with an outside area. If you choose to meet outdoors such as a garden stroll, choose a day on the weekend when there would be more people around.
During the date, just focus on getting to know the person. Ask questions, listen more and enjoy the meal or walk. You may want to say no to that kiss until you know them better as you do not know where they have been, and with whom.
Imagine contracting the virus and spreading it to the rest of your family because you could not wait just a little longer until it is safer.
I will update you when something meaningful comes along, but for now stay safe and have fun.