When things don’t look up in bed
Be conscious how you deal with your partner, belittling him won’t help your relationship
So much for men being the ultimate anytime, anyplace, anyhow sexual creatures, isn’t it? We come across more and more relationships under sexual strain because men are now the ones faking the proverbial headache, while their women are pulling their hair out in utter frustration.
It’s not even cases of women who simply have a higher sexual libido than their men. It’s just men that have lost sexual appetite.
Scientifically, men tend to lose sexual appetite much later in life than women. So what’s happening?
Mismatched sexual desires can have highly devastating results, especially when there’s little to no transparent communication about it.
The rejection that comes with feeling unwanted by your partner cuts very deep.
Naturally, you’d question your own ability to attract him sexually, which in itself kills your self-esteem and affects your self-confidence.
Mismatched sexual desires cause a chain of devastating events whose ends are undesirable. And it’s no wonder you have the thoughts you harbour, that your man may be satisfying himself elsewhere.
However, you may find that the real reasons for his loss of sexual appetite often have very little to do with him finding you less sexually attractive or infidelity. Consider the following:
Low Testosterone
Testosterone is a male sex hormone although females generally have small amounts. If a male has a low level of testosterone, the symptoms can include erectile dysfunction and low sex drive. We advise that your partner consult medical practitioners to have his low libido checked out. A simple blood test can verify whether he does indeed have low hormone levels, and can be treated medically.
Weight Problems
We know of cases where male low libido is simply a physical issue, with fat being the biggest culprit. Fat works against testosterone in men, meaning, the more overweight he is, the less desire he’d have for sex.
Pornography
Unlike what you may have heard, pornography is a huge libido thief for men. The more he is into pornography, the less he’ll be into sex in real life. Porn trains the brain to be aroused by the image, not the relationship. If he’s into it, we advise that he gets help. Porn is not harmless, and it’s not just fun.
Addiction
If he spends hours every night with video games or watching TV, he’s not likely to want to make love very often, either. Addiction to alcohol or a kind of drug can also lower one’s sex drive.
Compulsive workaholic
Work provides a strong temptation for men as they tend to thrive when they feel competent. And if he doesn’t feel competent or involved at home, it is quite likely he will look for other places to invest most of his energy. For many men, that place is work. They derive such satisfaction from building a business, earning money or prestige, or just working hard and accomplishing something that all of their passion, drive, and energy are devoted to work, not you. If you nag him for not being home, you’ll likely send him running even harder for work, where he’s praised and admired. Create a home where you laugh and where you demonstrate respect and love.
Lack of relationship
Often a problem in the marriage shows up in the bedroom. But because the symptom is in the bedroom, we often think the solution is too. So we concentrate on strategies to do with sex, like buying lingerie, playing risqué games, using toys, watching porn, and trying new things. In reality, the solution is often found outside the bedroom. Sex embodies our spiritual, emotional, and relational selves. If your husband has a low sex drive that isn’t due to health problems or addictions, then the best solution is to work on your friendship.
Spend more time together. Build a relationship that goes beyond physical intimacy. Because, ultimately, that’s what will bring fulfilment.
Lack of Respect
Be conscious of how you talk to him. Many women belittle their men in public without realising it. Men are particularly sensitive to what they define as disrespect. Respect is how men often spell love. And it has a lot of impact in what happens or doesn’t in the bedroom.