Greed in izibizo putting customary marriages at risk
SA customary law consists of various customs, traditions and practices, including during the process of getting married. It forms part of the observations of culture and traditions that date back decade upon decade. However, unfortunately, with time the most sacred traditions are being opened up to abuse.
In many SA customs a man may ask for his partner’s hand in marriage, followed by sending a letter of intent to her family for lobola negotiations to commence. On the day, the families agree on a set figure, which is not necessarily only a monetary amount but may include livestock and clothing.
This is seen as a form of gratitude from a prospective husband to the bride’s family. A portion of this is paid upfront. The families celebrate the new union and the wedding date is set.
To the groom and bride, the joy of tying the knot and having the dream wedding overshadows the realities they may soon face.
Although not a requirement of a valid customary marriage, in the eyes of the law, lobola is one of the most common practices.
In terms of section 3 of the Recognition of Customary Marriages Act 120 of 1998, the requirements are that both parties must be above the age of 18, both parties must consent to it and the marriage must be negotiated, entered into and celebrated. There is an assumption that after lobola is paid the couple can start living as husband and wife, however often various other traditions and practices still need to take place.
One such tradition is also one that has become abused over the past few years, that of uMembeso or izibizo, a Zulu tradition of giving gifts to a bride’s family. These gifts traditionally included blankets, pinafores, head scarves, clothes, food and straw mats. However, over the years these gift requests have become increasingly costly branded items and gadgets. Young grooms are forced to incur debt to make these gift requests a reality.
Some customary marriages have seen a change over the years as uMembeso has been used to fund such luxuries at the groom’s expense. This, as a result, is discouraging young couples from getting married as they are unable to afford it. According to Stats SA, the registration of customary marriages decreased by 11.7% from 2018 to 2019.
A customary marriage is by default “in community of property”, except where the parties have an antenuptial contract. After the big celebrations and the dust has settled, the young couple are straddled settling the debts from these lavish gifts.
The questions are whether this once sacred practice has lost its true meaning and whether “culture” is being misused for hidden agendas outside customary marriage rituals and practices.
Are we now living in a world where we incur years of debt by abusing customary marriage practices? Or worse still, have customary marriages rather become a sad situation of “who can afford to get married”?
It, unfortunately, seems as if we are entering a new era that will see expensive shoes, bags and cars being the standard of uMembeso and financial affordability the measure in getting married.
■