Fatherlessness unravels harrowing pain of growing up with absent dad
Pietersen hopes his doccie will help bring healing for one of SA’s pandemics
In a country where almost 70% of black children grow up without their fathers, fatherlessness is indeed a big problem within our society.
Statistics released by Stats SA last year revealed that 31.7% of black children are raised by their fathers compared to 51.3% of coloured children, 80.2% of white children and 86.1% of Indian/Asian children who have present fathers at home.
This huge disparity has created an imbalance and has been blamed for the many ills we face in society, issues such as angry men and women, gender-based violence, drugs and crime.
This longstanding problem inspired author Charley Pietersen to produce a twohour documentary titled Fatherlessness to not only address this searing issue that he be lieves society doesn’t speak about enough but also to confront the pain it has caused. A pain he too is very familiar with, he said.
“The documentary follows my 2015 book Growing Up Without a Father which was subsequently followed by the launch of my foundation in 2016, all just wanting to talk about this issue.
“It was through those school tours where I picked up a lot of pain of growing up without a father among the children. To reach more people, I needed to do more and the documentary was the answer,” he said.
Raised in the small town of Smithfield, southern Free State, Pietersen said not having a present father was such a normal thing in his community and that it was only when he was older that he realised how that affected him.
“My brother and I were raised by our loving mother but even with all the strong Christian values, we still struggled with things like identity and the shame of not having a father. At school I remember how we would make up having a father, an imaginary father because when you only talk about a mother you are made fun of. You would be bullied for this and it creates such a huge scar that never really heals.”
It is from these personal experience, and that of many others around SA he has collected through conversations, that he documents this painful life, and features veteran actor Jerry Mofokeng wa Makhetha and soccer superstar Bernard Parker, who both were raised without their fathers.
Makhetha only found out who his biological father was at the age of 58.
“I have had to counsel so many men, women and children who had grown up with daddy issues when their fathers are still alive, which is a completely different thing if your father has passed on.
“But when you know that he chose to leave you, deny you prefers that you remain a secret, that is a painful thing that has scarred so many people. Many of us are walking around with the wrong cultural GPS and are not connecting to our own identity because you don’t know who you are.”
He also said society is not addressing this issue enough and that is where this documentary finds its place.
“We are loose cannons in society and nobody corrects men. We have allowed it to go on for so long that such projects are needed to help correct this terrible pandemic.
“I hope this documentary challenges men to come out of the closet and father their children and for families to be sympathetic when men do come out. I hope that children who have that hunger to reach out to their fathers are understood and supported because this is a real pain.”
Finding who his father was meant finding his identity.
“And because I know who I am, that means my children and my grandchildren have their proper identity. I can die knowing that I leave a legacy of a proper identity.”
Meanwhile Parker, whose father left when he was in primary school, grew up seeing him on the streets from time to time. He believes he’s one of the few who came out on the other side as decent men in society.
“This is such a necessary documentary because it addresses something that we have been living with for so long but never spoke about. It is a big eye-opener of how important it is for us young men to be there for our own families, the effects of being absent and also that one doesn’t have to end up on the streets. That you can make a better life for yourself,” he said.
Parker said this sort of pain is always carried into one’s adult life and as someone who grew up without his dad, he went and fetched him because of this struggle. He was 21 years old when he fetched him.
“His presence does make a difference in the house and that is something we can’t deny. So this documentary takes you through the need of a father and the active role that they must play. Many of whom don’t have the pleasure of experiencing [it].”
‘‘ I can die leaving a legacy of proper identity because I know who I am