A day to focus on getting the best out of men in our society
Let International Men’s Day tomorrow be about confronting male suicide, other societal problems affecting men
American soul music super group The Manhattans have a song called Men Cry Too. The title clearly responds to the notion in wider society that men do not cry.
Just as The Manhattans saw it fit to record the song, yes men do cry. Men also feel vulnerable, desperate, not in control, and at times they too feel unsafe. Men also suffer from mental illnesses and worse, they hardly seek help.
Thus, men too need to be celebrated, they should be acknowledged for their progress too, no matter how insignificant it may be in the eyes of many.
Tomorrow as we celebrate International Men’s Day, we need to do as we raise awareness for male suicides and various issues surrounding men’s mental health. It is a day we ought to realise that men suffer from depression too, and many end up taking their lives.
As we delve deeper into searching for a reason why such a day even exists, I hope that we indeed find good reasons we should pause, at least for a day, to acknowledge the men in our society. I hope that as we reflect, beyond our anger, disappointment and the reluctance of the many men in our lives to show up, we find valid reasons we should observe this day and look into this and find ways to reflect on the lives of men, particularly black men.
If you were to randomly ask black girls and women what they think of black boys and men, they would say: “Banna le bashimane ba shwa neng re ikhutse bona?” (When will men and guys die so that we can live in peace?
It is very sad how the women have lost hope in us, black men. This of course is not a misinformed conclusion about us men. There are still a lot of men that are misogynistic and sexist, and commit genderbased violence daily. Furthermore, we are fully aware that men kill women and other men. Men not taking care of their children; men raping girls and women.
All this begs the question; is there anything worth celebrating men for in society today? The answer is yes. It would be disingenuous of us to ignore men’s contributions to nation building, the stability of our society, community, family, the success of marriage, and childcare. This is why this day is very important.
It ensures that while we are an unhappy society about boys and men, we equally have a responsibility to promote essential awareness of men’s issues.
There is a lot to celebrate about them. When one reflects on Father’s Day, there are drips and drops of well-wishes to amazing fathers out there. There are sons and daughters who consistently revel about their fathers. There are also women who are proud of their husbands. They celebrate them. Someone even said, “The way my husband is so good to me, he makes me develop daddy issues I never had. This man is attentive and considerate...”
You see, when we look around us, we do find reasons we should celebrate men.
To many of us, especially black girls and women, we are not yet convinced that there is really anything worth celebrating about SA boys and men. Absent fatherhood has been cited to be among major factors for boys and men’s erratic behaviour.
However, at times, the absence of fathers is not just about them voluntarily being absent. Men are also faced with challenges as parents, more so when they are no longer in romantic relationships with the mothers of their children.
Some are denied access to their children to spite them.
In other words, there are women who deliberately ensure that their children do not build relationships with their fathers. The very same men will, unfortunately, be labeled absent fathers later on. Those are some of the issues that we need to look into as we continue to observe International Men’s Day.
Let us not just look at what did not work in our lives regarding men. We should also focus on fathers’ rights, male survivors of violence, including domestic abuse. Moreover, we should also interrogate the negative portrayal of men in the media and beyond.
Finally, we will realise that in order to have the ideal boys and men in our society, a day such as Men’s Day should be observed intentionally.