CRESCENT ROADS
Andrea Burgener goes in search of Joburg’s best buttery croissants
as it just because there was almost nowhere else you could get them, in the Joburg of the ’80s, that the buttery French pastries we drove to Hillbrow to get from the short-lived Le Croissant, seemed so godly? It’s impossible to say now, from so far away. Easier to judge what you bit into this morning. Johannesburg is now awash with croissants, as well as pastries going by that name. Choosing a croissant as your morning fodder can be a risky business, all over the world.
Since the ’70s, food technology has made it possible for everyone down to the 24-hour petrol station to serve something akin to a croissant. Even in Paris, at least half the croissants floating about are the industrial sort, bought frozen by bakeries and coffee shops and baked on site, just as in our petrol stations. I see machines for sale online that pump out 30 000 croissants a day, so you can see where things are going. In Paris, it’s not just the end result but the very principle of the stuff not being made on site that gets them fuming. For me, it’s just the fact that they’re more than a bit crap.
So what defines a great croissant? Some would say the flakiest, very lightest pastry, but I disagree. I think there is such as thing as a too-flaky, too-unctuous croissant, and this is usually the result of too much technology. In the quest to simulate the buttery, light, real thing on the cheap, industry uses various vegetable fats instead of butter (hydrogenated or otherwise), as well as “improvers” (which improve nothing). The result is usually a pastry which oozes oiliness and is all air without structure. The stuff collapses into a gluey smear within seconds of biting. And of course a good croissant means a very fresh one, right? It doesn’t help to reheat it in a microwave (Vida, I’m talking to you), because seconds later you have chewing gum on your hands.
A good croissant has stretch, is multilayered, with a crisp, glossy crust, and tastes of butter. It doesn’t turn to crumbs or nothing once you start eating, and the fat doesn’t stick to the roof of your mouth like peanut butter. Supermarkets are not where you should be buying croissants. That’s where you go for Chelsea buns and squeezey white bread. I have tried the offerings from every supermarket chain, from the most budget to the swankiest, from the so-called “freshly baked” to the frozen and bake-at-home type. They all suck. One step up, though only one, are the croissants at Fournos. Not awful, but they can taste and feel suspiciously vegetable-oily. Vovo Telo, a growing bakery chain, is another quite big notch up. If you get hold of them when fresh, these can be excellent.
For true bliss, I head to the Argentinian Bakery in Linden. Yes, I know, Argentinian. But then French-style pastries have been big in Argentina for longer than over here. A sign outside this little shop tells you “best croissants in Africa”. This is the sort of risky boast one is inclined to scoff at and ignore. But run in and buy heaps, because it’s true. Perhaps French
croissantiers will beg to differ, but I think these are glorious (they’re very slightly less buttery, less collapsy than many Parisian croissants).
The Argentinian gets first prize in the Jozi Croissant Competition, with a big silk rosette and shiny trophy attached. The Argentinian Bakery is on Fourth Avenue in Linden (011 888 9759).