The money gluttons
Our parents worked hard to give us the best, but life was different then
BEFORE I blast off, a bit of nostalgia . . . Remember walking to school along dusty roads and then using a piece of tissue to clean your shoes before entering the school grounds?
Do you recall cutting green mangos and madonis from trees along the route and sometimes even spotting snakes slithering away in the grass?
Do you recollect that musty smell wafting from well-used, dogeared textbooks as you carefully covered them in brown paper at the start of every year?
And what about completing your homework by candlelight during those ferocious thunderstorms when the electricity went out?
Do you recollect those Saturday morning trips to the local library, where you would plough through a prehistoric set of the
Encyclopaedia Britannica for research projects? And playing hopscotch, five stones and rounders with the neighbourhood children on hot summer days?
Even if you were a city slicker and did not grow up rural like I did, it was a simple life for most.
And, as I raise my children, I am constantly reminded of how unpretentious and straightforward an existence my childhood was.
Times were tough. Parents worked hard and did the very best (with very little) for their children. And, even as youngsters, we were appreciative of their sacrifices. Skip ahead 30 years. We are parents now. Just like our own parents, we too want the best for our offspring and give them every possible opportunity.
But here’s the nub: In my mind, we are doing far too much for them and risk raising a generation of disempowered, unappreciative and lazy adults who are going to make our lives hell.
I know it does not make sense. In giving our children the best, how can we be creating the worst?
Easy — we are doing it already. We give our children everything they want and, in the world we live in, there is a lot to want.
Whereas we had access only to SABC TV, most of our children have an entire bouquet of television channels to choose from. Outside play has been replaced with entertainment options ranging from Wii and PlayStation to Xbox and Nintendo DS.
Cellphones are another story altogether. It is not uncommon to see an eight-year-old child with a BlackBerry 10, and iPads, home computers and internet access have become necessities.
Yes, it is important for our children to understand the latest technology. To isolate them would be unthinkable.
But because we are technologically two generations behind our children, we are “slow” to realise that well-meaning “educational aids” are dangerous in the hands of young minds.
Many of you have children who own cellphones. How many of those have security applications installed that limit entry to inappropriate websites and chat rooms? Raise your hands.
Without being presumptive, I doubt many parents have done it. We would never give our children loaded guns, so why do we see cellphones as different from this?
The reality is that texts and social networks are invitations to trouble with a capital “T”. Cyberstalking and paedophilia are real issues, and if your child is not protected, who is to say where an inquiring young mind could go without you even knowing it?
Add to this the fact that few parents “snoop” their children’s phones. Oh no! Children need their “privacy” and “space”. For what — especially when you are subsidising their cellphones and internet access?
I am also uneasy about the amount of time youngsters spend on their communication tools. Through casual chats with teachers, I have learnt that many children are so distracted that they are not able to focus on school work. It’s a no-brainer.
What is more interesting: spending time on your iPad or doing your maths homework? But how many of us limit or monitor the amount of time our offspring spend on their “toys”?
The dangers of free internet access and distraction aside, my main point is that we are disempowering our children.
I am beginning to notice that many do not have the drive and ambition their parents had. For a lot of us, we want a better life. But no matter what financial background we came from, there really was nothing more our parents could have given us that existed at the time. We all had the same shoes and jeans. We all went to the same schools.
The whole reason our forefathers got on those rickety ships and set sail for an unknown country 150 years ago was for a better life. Every generation did better than the one before. We took on extra jobs, worked extra shifts — we did anything just so that we could afford “better” for our children.
But our children have too much already. They do not feel they have to work for anything because it all arrives on a plate, edged in gold and platinum. There is no need to aspire to more because they already have “more”.
But alas, most cannot make their own beds, wash dishes or pick their clothes up off the floor.
I’m clear about what I want: give my children a solid education, then send them to university so they can get well-paying jobs that they are passionate about. Once they are earning their own bucks, I want to travel and fulfil my own selfish goals. I expect my children to buy their own homes and cars and finance their own families. Is that too much to ask? After all, I gave them the “best”.
I do not know the answers, but I do not need a crystal ball to see what is coming.
Even as I write this column, I feel like an outdated old lady participating in a Grade 6 speech contest. What I am saying sounds (even to me) so preachy, prescriptive and old-fashioned.
But there really is no other way to put it. Unless we wake up, the only opportunity we could be creating is one of wasted lives, regret and a discredit to what our bloodline has always stood for — hard work, a deep sense of appreciation, humanity and an inspiration to achieve.
It is a lot to think about, especially at the end of a long weekend. But drop me a line and tell me your thoughts.