Creative soccer fans push the right buttons
SOUTH African soccer fans are colourful, creative souls. They come up with some crazy banter and flowery language.
Why else do you think Goodenough “5 Skippers” Sithole became a talk-of-town YouTube sensation a couple of seasons ago?
He had most of the nation in stitches when his own brand of English once left SABC soccer analyst Deshi Bhaktawer a mangled mess as he could not fathom Sithole’s version of the Queen’s language.
He goes to games dressed like a woman: an ankle length snowwhite skirt and black top and bra to boot. A beaded black and white weave crown his head.
His feminine ensemble once won him the best-dressed supporter prize. The guy got stand up comedian status with his “You must say, you must ask it for the Zulu ass and not for the Sotho what what,” in response to Bhaktawer’s question — live on TV — on what he says when he goes to buy his clothes.
Some fanatical fans have a sartorial daring more risqué than Sithole’s, like a Chiefs fan who exposed his buttocks when he rocked up at FNB Stadium wearing a g-string during the Soweto derby last season. His backside is all over the internet.
The latest wisecrack from the terraces is that of a German tourist on a Premier Soccer League sight-seeing mission — read Knowledge Musona. But the teasers have termed him a tourist because the former PSL top goalscorer has yet to score his first goal on his second coming at Chiefs.
His 15-goal haul from 28 games in the 2010-2011 season saw Hoffenheim pay Chiefs a handsome fee for the services of the lethal Smiling Assassin.
But the greener pastures in Germany turned barren. Musona was hit by a goal drought, a result he attributes to being played wide on the wings as opposed to his preferred central striker position. Coaching changes harmed his chances of harnessing his skills and led to a loan move to Augsburg, where there wasn’t a lot of luck either. Which led to the seasonlong loan at Chiefs.
But the lean spell continues. Apart from announcing his return by rifling a goal in the Macufe Cup, Musona has been restricted to eish, nearly and almost moments. Hence the German tourist on a PSL sightseeing tease.
The teasers are teasing because they know when on form Musona fires goals like a rat-a-tat automatic machine gun. His detractors have already directed the “he is finished” disses Musona’s way despite the league season only being three games old.
They draw comparisons with another Chiefs marksman, Collins Mbesuma.
The Zambian also left SA on the back of a 35-goal season in 2005 and returned a frustrated figure following a not so fruitful European sojourn.
But that’s where the similarities end in Mbesuma’s and Musona’s stories. The former is bigger, slower, injury prone and is approaching his twilight at 29. The latter is leaner, faster, younger and can still regain his former glory and, at 23, age is on his side for him to relaunch abroad.
Movie sequels are rarely as exciting as the original— an anticlimax as Hangover 2 and 3 combined.
Musona: Smiling Assassin part one was a hit. Musona: The Return is lukewarm so far.
I suspect it’s a matter of time before he regains his devastating mojo. All he needs is that one goal. Another former Chiefs striker, veteran sharp-shooter Siyabonga Nomvethe, who is also a European returnee, is living proof of that.