Wanted: a slave for Englishness

AN Arab man in his 30s is looking for a private tutor who, for a salary of 146 700 (about R2-million), will be on call at all times to coach him so that he can gain admission to Oxford, according to an advertisement in the Times Education Supplement.

In a relationship reminiscent of Professor Higgins and Eliza Doolittle in the play Pygmalion, the successful candidate will be expected to teach the anonymous businessman to speak English like a native, play jazz piano, appreciate opera, understand Shakespeare and generally turn him into the renaissance man worthy of a place at one of the world’s prestigious universities.

The successful candidate will have to be available from 8am to 11pm every day and should stay in close proximity to the client at all times, travelling with him to “a wide range of destinations throughout Europe and the rest of the world”.

Only the “highly intelligent, erudite, well-read, musically accomplished . . . and socially and culturally versatile” need apply.

The apparently genuine classified advert suggests the role, which requires relocation to Geneva, “would suit a retired former head teacher of a renowned British private school or someone with comparable experience who is seeking early retirement”.

An additional requirement is that the tutor speak English “without any geographical specificity” and be prepared to coach the client to such a standard that “his Arabic background is no longer evident”, focusing on idiom, rhythm and tone.

All this is with the goal of the businessman eventually winning a place at Oxford, although he admits that it would only be achieved after years of hard work, if ever, and he does not yet have a clear idea of what he would like to study there.

The client says he left formal education in his teens and now wants to “invest in himself” after a successful career in business.

Although a female tutor is not specified, the advertisement refers to the candidate as “she” throughout.

Whereas some who linked to the listing on Twitter called the role “incredible”, others were not so impressed. One wrote: “Utterly astonishing. Someone advertising for the world’s most civilised human being to become their slave.” — ©