FROM THE MEMBERS' END

IF you go down to the woods at Newlands on January 3, 4 or 5, you could find yourself involved in a game of cricket — against the Proteas. That seems to be the level of desperation Cricket SA (CSA) have dwindled to in their scramble to fill the potholes left by the fixtures India will no longer play in the country. Brace yourself, cricket lovers, for gimmicky gumpf like Proteas v Springboks, and North v South (picked on a state-of-origin basis, nogal) in a slew of tacky T20s. And to think, this is the august occasion formerly known as the New Year test. So, take your bat and pads; you might be needed for Proteas v Anyone Who Is Alive XI.

THE above information was revealed to hand-picked reporters, who said they had been sworn to secrecy, at a CSA offthe-record briefing on Wednes- day. Wonder why the rest of us weren’t invited? Perhaps because we would have laughed out loud at such a preposterous plan?

DAVID Miller provided compelling evidence that cricket has changed with a blank look and a slow shake of the head when he was asked whether his growing prowess in SA’s middle order had been inspired in part by watching masters of the craft such as Neil Fairbrother and Michael Bevan strut their stuff for England and Australia all those years ago. Miller, 24, is too young to remember Fairbrother breaking SA hearts at the 1992 World Cup. But he did have a handle on Bevan: “I’ve watched him on YouTube.”

DALE Steyn pitched up fashionably late at a function in Sandton on Tuesday to announce the Proteas’ latest sponsor, a Savile Row tailor. All good so far — fast bowlers are, after all, the rock stars of cricket. But, in a room filled with sleekly suited men and dazzlingly draped women, Steyn stuck out like a bouncer in his cap, T-shirt, track pants and slops.

A LITTLE local knowledge goes a long way. SA’s players interrupted their warm-up at the Wanderers on Wednesday to avoid being caught in the storm that delayed the start of the match. Not so the Pakistanis, who had to make a mad dash for safety in the midst of the downpour.