Managing life with an ADHD spouse
Men are far more likely to have disorder
SOME people assume that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder affects only children. Not so. The disorder begins in childhood, but the symptoms frequently continue into adult life.
Males are three to five times more likely to be diagnosed with the disorder than females.
Some of the characteristics of adult ADHD include:
Those affected often get easily distracted, suffer from chronic forgetfulness and rely heavily on their partner to remind them of their commitments;
They tend to lose or misplace things and make poor-quality decisions;
Often they say the wrong things at the wrong time and interrupt others’ conversations;
They may be fidgety and find it hard to wait for their turn or stand patiently in a queue;
They get frustrated easily;
They tend to do things on the spur of the moment, without thinking, and this often gets them into trouble;
At work, they take on more tasks than they can complete and have poor time management;
They often hop from one task to another without completing the previous one; and
Many suffer from poor self-esteem, depression and substance abuse. Making excuses is highly correlated with procrastination — a common problem for adults with the disorder.
Common excuses include waiting for inspiration, planning to do it later and blaming others.
Adult ADHD often strikes deep in the area of marriage. Because those with the disorder are so disorganised, inattentive and forgetful, their spouse feels compelled to take responsibility for everything from paying the accounts to taking care of the children.
If both husband and wife have a good understanding of the effects of the disorder, they have a chance of building a workable relationship by making adjustments:
Take responsibility. ADHD or not, the afflicted spouse must realise that he or she is half of the partnership and, therefore, should work on those aspects that are hard on his or her spouse;
Divide tasks and stick to them. The partner without the disorder should handle the bills and budget while the other manages the children or daily chores;
Keep a diary and set aside time to plan what needs to be done;
Create better communication. Have a whiteboard for notes to one another;
To avoid misunderstandings, have the affected person repeat the decisions that were taken;
Get rid of physical stress through sport or exercise;
Relax — through music or meditation;
Remind yourself about the things you can do well; and
Avoid aggravating situations — arguments, drugs and alcohol.
What can be done to help adults with ADHD?
Speak to your psychologist or psychiatrist. He or she can explain the advantages and disadvantages of medication and psychotherapy. These can be used on their own or together. Ramphal is an educational psychologist with special interests in career counselling and the learning and behaviour problems of children and adolescents. Visit ramphaledupsych.co.za