Bafana played in pyjamas

THE new Bafana Bafana jersey was highly anticipated. Safa president Danny Jordaan said it was a collector’s item to be sold as a limited edition. But what we saw were Bafana in a shorter version of long johns and BVD T-shirts. The look was as listless as Bafana’s record margin defeat. High five Nike!

NEYMAR disembowelled Bafana Bafana with a terrifying hat-trick at FNB Stadium. Bongani Khumalo was lucky to escape the carnage when he went off with a head injury. But replacement Siyanda Xulu, Thabo Nthethe, Anele Ngcongca, Thabo Matlaba and keeper Ronwen Williams will have nightmares and cold sweats for weeks at the mere mention of the Brazilian’s name. It was like a Steven Seagal action movie, with blood flowing everywhere. Don’t go to sleep guys, or it’ll all come flooding back.

THE UK press have been raising questions about Brazil’s lack of strikers going into the World Cup. Yes, well, okay, perhaps Neymar is not quite in the class of Sturridge, Defoe, Wellbeck, Rooney and co. Ahem.

BAFANA seem to have invented new rules of engagement in football. While Brazil were banging in the goals, Bafana seemed more interested in looking good when in possession. Players like Thulani Serero, Ayanda Patosi and Oupa Manyisa dished out some mesmerising skills but without any impact. They must have gone back to Safa president Danny Jordaan and declared: Even though we lost, but we dribbled them preza, did you see!“

THERE was clearly a bad spirit at the FNB Stadium on Wednesday night. The gospel according to minister Mbalula is that the fans who booed President Jacob Zuma were possessed by Satan. If so, perhaps Bafana, aka bunch of losers, can have a better defence than Oscar Pistorius by claiming that the devil let in those five goals.

MAYBE Bafana had no business playing Brazil in the first place. “To compare our team with Brazil is mixing apples with bananas,” said Mbalula. Is that the new nickname, minister, Banana Banana?

SAFA security officials are a bunch of overzealous heartless losers. They tried to keep out little Ayo Dosumu from his moment with Neymar. Sies.

PATRICE Motsepe’s sponsorship of the second division sees the winners get R1-million prize money. With the winners of the National First Division earning just R300 000, teams are going to be competing to get relegated. Or they could enter the Kay Motsepe Cup for school teams, which also offers a cool R1-million.