If you only live once, would you go here for your last pizza? is not sure
et’s start with a lesson in internet slang. In case you’re not up to scratch with your LOLs, BRBs and WTFs, YOLO is an acronym for You Only Live Once. It is the battle cry of Generation Y, a rousing call to do nothing but, as M. Cyrus, sage philosopher of the times suggests, “what you want to”.
In Italian it is VSUV ( Vivi Solo Una Volta ), which doesn’t really roll off of the tongue. YOLO is the epitome of selfish indulgence and reckless spontaneity. It’s also the name of a new pizzeria in Melville.
It’s run by the renowned Percy Mosedie, previously of Pizzeria Napoletana and more recently, the dark cave of pizza deliciousness in Emmarentia, Lapa Fo. YOLO is located at the south end of onthe-road-to-being-trendyagain 7th Street, in a small parquet-floored and pressedceilinged establishment.
Besides pizza, there is little on the menu except a few paninis and four salads (two of which contain pasta) so YOLO is not recommended for the gluten-intolerant.
The idea of serving flat bread with a topping is a couple of thousand years old, but the Neapolitans are generally credited with having perfected the art. To this day, they claim a monopoly on authenticity — the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana (AVPN) is the Interpol of the pizza world. It promotes the “true Neapolitan pizza” and protects the public from pretenders.
Mosedie is about as Italian as a helping of bobotie, but he learnt his craft at the feet of the Neapolitan masters.
YOLO offers 21 pizzas (you can order by number), not all of which would be recognised by the AVPN.
In search of the great pizza experience, we booked a table for six and were seated in the noisy echo of the cosy eatery, the warm smell of pizza teasing our growling stomachs. This proved to be a bad thing.
The service was what I had come to expect at Lapa Fo — genial but ineffectual. I ordered a rock shandy and was presented with a tall glass of lemonade and grenadine. It was so sweet I swung it to my friend who was a little hypoglycemic after a rigorous yoga session. Half a glass later, she was practically in a diabetic coma. I ordered pizzas No 1 — the verace , with the original seeded crust and Napoletana base — and No 13, the Percy Special, which was laden with all kinds of wonderful things at which the good people of Napoli would balk, but “more is more” pizza lovers of SA have come to expect — bacon, salami, peppers, onions, mushrooms, chilli, avo and garlic. Yum.
We waited expectantly for our pizzas to arrive. A crowd of cooks milled around the woodfired pizza oven like a street gang in aprons, seemingly without anything to do.
How long does it take to make a pizza? An hour, apparently. Were they deflowering the virgin olive oil? Milking the buffalo? Who knows?
But if you want to sit around for an hour watching Melville go by, without being bothered by anything as troublesome as food, YOLO is the place to be. I mean, You Only Live Once, right? You might as well waste an hour of that one precious life talking to your friends about how hungry you are.
When the pizzas finally arrived, they were piping hot and smelt delicious, but by that point I could have eaten Mosedie himself. I had ordered the most simple, classic pizza on the menu in the hope that I might be blown away by the signature pizza from the “Best Pizzeria in Johannesburg” (according to their website). The crust was perfect and the toppings were good but I was disappointed. Had I expected too much? Was my experience marred by an hourlong wait? Was I high on grenadine?
The No 13 (with sourdough) was equally good, but not the best I’ve had. Ultimately, neither were good enough reasons to risk Melville’s car thieves and bag-snatchers.
I’m inclined to label YOLO a bit of a YOGO. You know, You Only Go Once. .................................................... No 2, 7th street, Melville, 011 482 7016, www.yolopizza.co.za