FROM THE MEMBERS' END

SOMETIMES cricket gets lost in translation. “I didn’t understand a word you just said,” was Dale Steyn’s candid response when he was asked a question by a reporter armed with the thickest of Asian accents at a press conference in Bangladesh this week. It’s a long way from Phalaborwa to Chittagong — linguistically and geographically.

WHAT are the Proteas getting up to after hours in a country where condensation falling from an airconditioner can count as a welcome distraction? “We’ve got a wine club,” Steyn said. “We meet every now and then and have one or two glasses of vino; nothing serious. We’ve got movie clubs and stuff. We’ve got a big team room at the hotel and the guys are getting in there and playing poker and watching movies. We are not really allowed to leave the hotel, but there’s a Pizza Hut across the road — I’ve never eaten so much pizza in all my life.”

THE boredom must have reached critical levels on Tuesday, when Steyn posted a video on social media of David Miller and AB de Villiers smacking themselves in the face with one of those electrified insect killers shaped like a tennis racquet. Eina. Pain. No jokes about shocking experiences, please.

GRAEME Smith is taking his civilian status seriously. After SA lost to Sri Lanka, the epitome of craggy canniness in SA’s test team for 11 years tweeted: “How many wins are needed to go through?” Not long ago, he would have known the answer before he had a chance to ask the question. Did he watch every ball of his former team’s game against New Zealand? Don’t be silly. “Just caught the highlights of today’s game,” he posted. “Great win for the Proteas and under big pressure.” Ah, the bliss of not having to worry about these things. Retirement’s not so bad, eh, Biff?