CHURCH SQUARE, PRETORIA / 09.35
CURLS of evenly-spaced marijuana smoke fill up an otherwise clear autumn morning. It is absurd to think that the public smoking of weed was approved a year ago. It is still a novelty and some smokers still hide when they see the police, particularly when they are stoned.
Government had been resisting legalising marijuana for years — until a UFO was sighted in the remote Northern Cape. As part of the cover-up plan, government issued a statement: “Our people are smoking substances that lead them to see things that do not exist. So we might as well let them smoke freely. Marijuana is henceforth decriminalised.”
The ruling People’s Emancipation Party (PEP) wants to project an image of selflessness, humility and people-centred government. PEP’s leader, Black Moses, is a great orator who is adored by the poor, but rumours persist that he has private bank accounts in Switzerland and on the Isle of Man.
Moses was the General Commander of “Coalition Forces” which fought against the mercenaries and militia groups in 2024 post-election conflict. The party that had governed the “cowntry” since the dawn of democracy did not want to accept South Africans were tired of Apathy, Nepotism and Corruption.
Church Square is now Sankara Square, after the visionary and father of the Burkina Faso nation, who not only cut his salary and refused to have air-conditioning in his office because his people did not have such a luxury, but also exchanged the expensive government fleet for cheap cars.
As I walk through the Square, I cannot help but recall how — after PEP achieved a landslide victory in the 2029 elections — ground-breaking initiatives were introduced through the “History Beautification Process”. This explains why Paul Kruger’s statue, which used to be at the centre of the Square, is long gone.
Madiba Street, on the northern side of the Square, is now Mpofu Street, named after the advocate who had a stint as Justice Minister after the 2024 elections. Robben Island was changed back to a prison, but this time for dangerous criminals.
All rhinos are dead. The former Swazi king, who left his fiefdom in haste as the revolution swept through the nation, is ageing quickly in the Middle East, where he lives in exile. He has only one wife left.
The 9th general elections, which will highlight 40 years of a democratic dispensation, are less than a month away. Amidst the hope that permeates the cool highveld air, some lingering challenges remain: racism continues unabated, inequality persists, tribalism bubbles under the radar; poor people continue to be used by politicians; the education and health systems have chronic problems; judicial independence hangs by a thin thread.
The National Development Plan has long been replaced by the 2050 Prosperity Plan. South Africa, soon to be renamed Azania, is still a country in transit. A country alive with possibilities and inspiring new ways, but still a mediocre nation with an exceptionally high tolerance level for dubious leadership.