Deadly Affairs

Discovery ID, Channel 171, Friday, 21:00

I like crime documentaries, that’s no secret, but I don’t watch this kind. If you’re wondering what kind that is, it’s the kind that focuses on spousal or romantically motivated homicides. But these kinds of shows are remarkably popular on Discovery ID and the Crime and Investigation Network, and it’s kind of creepy.

These shows actually came to my attention, believe it or not, through a South Park episode — season 17 episode 2: Informative Murder Porn, in which the South Park kids become worried about the effect these violent spousal-homicide shows could have on their parents. So they take measures to prevent them from being able to see the shows. The episode listed a few fictional shows, such as

Sexy Betrayals, Hot Load Case Files, Sinful Secrets and Dateline Homicide. It also listed a

few real-life shows, such as Who the (bleep) did I Marry?, Southern Fried Homicide, On the Case with Paula Zahn, True Crime with

Aphrodite Jones, and this one, Deadly Affairs. The joke in the South Park episode was that the adults … well, let’s just say they find the spousal-homicide shows “stimulating”. But if you’ve ever seen an episode of Deadly Affairs, you’ll notice the joke might not be too far removed from the truth. It’s hosted and narrated by Susan Lucci, a former All My

Children cast member. Her lascivious tone when describing the events in each case seems more suited to introducing late-night TV shows on dodgy channels, especially when used for lines like: “This church secretary had a body made for more than just praying.” It’s hard to see how this was not expressly meant to be titillating.

It doesn’t do it for me, though. I like my crime documentaries dry and sciencey, with more focus on the forensics and brain work used to crack the case. Still, from an outside perspective, the whole thing is fascinating in a creepy kind of way.