Glitz, glam and gloom
Weird Relationships of the Rich and Famous | If you think your marriage would be better if you didn’t have to argue about the washing-up, think again, writes Giles Hattersley
WHY are all rich and famous people not happy? What is it, one wonders, about the slavish pursuit of cash-grabbing self-promotion that leaves them echoing inside like . . . Oh.
Nevertheless, the marriages of the superrich definitely have their own cryptic brand of crazy. They say money can’t buy you love, but surely it can buy you a night out that doesn’t end with you being immortalised on CCTV in a lift, as your sister-in-law tries to fetch your eyes out with her stilettos while your wife looks on like Medusa?
When everyone lost it over that footage of Solange Knowles whacking Jay Z, her sister Beyoncé’s husband, after the Met Ball (New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art’s annual costume gala on May 5), it was a reminder of how murky the marital mysteries of people we think we know lots about really are. Through grotesque overexposure — mostly their fault, somewhat ours — we get carried away, frothing up celebrity couplings into something they might not be. To be fair, they make serious dollar propping up these facades.
Meanwhile, we busy ourselves poring over the particulars. Do they still have date nights? How does it work with the kids? Are they still shagging? The truth, of course, as one glance at the crackling power dynamic of Beyoncé coolly readjusting the hem of her dress while her husband and sister have to be physically separated shows, is that money and fame don’t simply make dreams. They can make nightmares, too.
Obviously, this makes for a killer fix of schadenfreude for the rest of us. Personally, I like celebrity couples best when they’re cracking up. The jolt of reality is pretty much the only time they feel relatable.
I cannot be the only person still haunted by the images of David and Victoria Beckham en- gaged in bizarrely staged, postRebecca Loos horseplay in Courchevel in 2004. It was after his alleged dalliance but before Instagram, so the options for salvaging their wholesome-yetsexy family image were limited. Still, what a mess.
Likewise, 2010 saw John Terry submitting to an awkward paparazzi beach snog with his angry wife, Toni, in Dubai, after he had been busted with the girlfriend of his teammate, Wayne Bridge.
I cannot wait for Kim and Kanye to hit the skids just to get a glimpse of whether they are actual human beings or not.
But what goes on behind the scenes? Whoever the celebrity couple — be they Brangelina or whoever — they have to fight extra hard to make it work, apparently.
Donna Lancaster, a therapist noted for her work on the troubled relationships of high achievers, including some in the fame game, says the pressure to
Money and fame don’t simply make dreams. They can make nightmares, too
appear “perfect” is not only about business, but a psychological need too.
“When you have everything and are thinking ‘we should be grateful for this perfect life’ and it isn’t perfect, then it is tough,” she said, speaking from her base in Los Angeles. “They feel miserable with each other and then guilty for feeling miserable.”
Broadly speaking, there are two problematic camps. On the one hand are relationships in which one is wildly more successful and richer than the other, footballers being an obvious example. “Often,” said Lancaster, “the woman — and I know it’s a stereotype, but that’s certainly my experience — is thinking: ‘Is this it? Do I have my nails done and have people to cook for me and fly on a private jet and, actually, I never see my partner?’ Meanwhile, he believes he is doing it all for them and has bought the right to her love.”
The second kind is those who both enjoy masses of fame and money but have zero time to actually connect: Ashton and Demi, R-Patz and K-Stew (actors Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart), Tom Cruise and you name it. Either way, “spiritual bankruptcy kicks in”, said Lancaster.
Intriguingly, she says all the day-to-day annoyances that we want to eradicate, hoping to free ourselves from the savagely banal arguments that pepper any union, are actually a keystone of happiness. “Successful people can face a deeper disconnection not only with their partner, but also with the world at large. Once the everyday tasks of life are removed through wealth — shopping, cooking, using public transport — people can easily slip into a state of disconnection and shut down.”
Does Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s “conscious uncoupling” start to make sense? Were they so zonked out by achievement that their marriage was previously uncon-
Often the woman is thinking: ‘Is this it?
scious? From the perimeter, it certainly looked to be a curiously asexual parting of ways. But then, celebrities are always banging on about sex you suspect they’re not having.
Adrian Furnham, a professor of psychology at University College London, believes alpha achievers can also be diverted by other pressures. “There are two problems associated with fame. One is to do with people watching you the whole time — the paparazzi and so on — so you become paranoid. The other is imposter syndrome. Having achieved great wealth, people somehow feel they don’t deserve it, that they are an imposter and are unworthy. Then they self-harm in some way, perhaps through drugs or by having a public implosion.”
So is a famous person pressing the ejector seat on a suffocating marriage in a bid to feel more authentic? “Perhaps,” said Furnham, “though I sometimes think their agent is the one telling them: ‘Now is the right time for your crisis.’ ” — © The Sunday Times, London