A hole in one of their frontal lobes
THE scene: a beautiful brown-skinned woman is awakening from sleep. She has pillowy lips and looks rich. But then the camera angle shifts, and something alarming becomes clear. She is not alone in the room. A man in the garb of a TV sports presenter is there too, prodding the other side of the bed.
“Run!” you want to hiss as a viewer, because she appears not to have noticed him. “Run, lady, run!” Unpleasant things tend to happen to women when male intruders enter bedrooms without an invitation. Fortunately, she starts getting up, though her movements are languid and unhurried, and you’d like to see a little more urgency.
In the next scene, you realise with relief that she has escaped. She is on a beach, preparing to enjoy a little peace and quiet in the sun. There’s probably a book in her bag awaiting her attention; possibly Thomas Piketty’s Capital in the 21st Century, since there’s every chance our heroine works in the field of theoretical economics. But wait! Her stalker is back! This time, he’s standing directly in front of her, staring openly while she disrobes.
At this point any sensible woman would probably call the police, or at least kick this creep in the gonads. It’s not ideal to be closely scrutinised by a stranger when you’re just trying to get your cozzie on. But the woman simply continues to strip down to her bikini, seemingly unperturbed by his leering presence. And then the scene ends, and you realise that you have just finished watching an ad for the 2015 Nedbank Golf Challenge on SuperSport.
I’m not one of those people who reflexively rails against all TV advertising. I understand that ads pay for content, and I think adverts can be clever and creative and surprising. The Nedbank Golf Challenge ad is certainly surprising, but it’s surprising in the sense that after seeing it you have to check that you haven’t inadvertently time-travelled back to 1955.
The ad plays out as I’ve described, but the hilarious premise is that the male sports presenter is providing commentary on the woman getting out of bed and taking her kit off on the sand. While he prods her bed, he says, “Seems to be a nice-looking lie.” This is a gutburstingly funny pun on the golf term “lie”, referring to the position of the ball on the fairway. When the woman makes it to the beach, he says: “We all know she’s excellent in the sand”: another nugget of comic excellence playing off golf terminology while intimating that everyone has had sexual intercourse with her on a beach.
“Looking very good,” another male commentator lecherously pronounces when she finally takes her top off. By the time the Nedbank Golf Challenge logo swoops in at the end, I feel like taking my top off too — to shower off the deluge of ickiness produced by this televisual creep-fest.
I cannot make sense of the ad, however many times I watch it. I do not understand how it relates to the Nedbank Golf Challenge. Are the dude-bros who created it suggesting that the women will be at the beach while the okes are playing golf? Are women not allowed to play in the Nedbank Golf Challenge? Are women even allowed to watch golf on television? The ad certainly succeeds in sending a message to women, but the message is essentially: “Sports are for boys. TV is for boys. Women are made for ogling.” And this woman thinks that’s pretty gross.