BAY NEEDS A SLEEP CAOCH
Desperate moms call in experts to teach their little ones to snooze all night long
LEANNE Kelly was at the end of her rope. “My baby had hardly slept for months,” said the Johannesburg mom. “I was a walking zombie and couldn’t function.” Her marriage was also taking strain. “I was sleeping in another room with our baby.”
Desperate, Kelly trawled the internet and came across a child-sleep consultancy that promised it could do what Kelly could not: get her baby to sleep. “By the second night, my baby was sleeping through. I felt like a human being again. My baby also seemed happier and it reignited my marriage.”
Hiring a child-sleep coach is a growing trend among parents desperate for some shut-eye. “Unlike previous generations, today often both parents work and so sleep is even more paramount,” said Jacqui Flint, owner of child-sleep consultancy Baby Love — one of several that have sprouted in South Africa.
Petro Thamm, who started the Good Night consultancy three years ago, said: “Parents often resisted hiring a sleep consultant because it made them feel like failures as parents, but as they hear of the success stories, more are seeing the value.” The firm now has 14 consultants.
One of them, Raylene de Villiers, said: “I get twice as many queries on a Monday because the weekend has been really bad. The worst was a mom whose baby woke every 20 minutes for eight months. She was hospitalised after developing crystals on her brain from exhaustion.”
Expect to pay anything from R920 for a pregnancy consultation — yes, sleep training can start when your child is a foetus — to about R5 000 for a sleep coach to stay the night.
“It wasn’t money my husband and I had,” said mother of twins Samantha Cary. “But when you get to the point where you can’t function and you’re getting sick from lack of sleep, you find the cash. You still have bad nights. But on the whole they’re sleeping much better. I no longer feel like I’m losing my mind. I thought, why the hell didn’t I do this sooner?”
What most appealed to Cary and others about hiring a coach, rather than using one of the glut of sleeptraining books on the market, was the human factor — especially since sleep training often involves crying.
“You’re fighting your natural instinct to run into the room,” said Cary, who hired De Villiers to help her. “My baby had this glass-break- ing scream. I felt like a dog. But I needed to sleep or jump off a cliff.”
De Villiers got up with her several times in the night. It reassured Cary to know that De Villiers was a mother too and therefore empathetic — she had sleep-coached her own triplets. “Having someone to hold my hand through it all was crucial.”
Said De Villiers: “I’ve had moms cry throughout the whole consultation.”
Couples often clash. “One man tried to chase me out of his house but I told him: ‘Your wife hired me. I’m staying.’ ” Ultimately, she said, sleep coaching could save a marriage.
But there are sceptics — mothers among them — who believe allowing children to “Cry It Out” goes against a mother’s traditional role as nurturer and may even be dangerous to the child. “I tried CIO,” said one mom. “My child vomited his guts out.”
Bryanston paediatrician Dr Melanie Dance said: “Parents often ask me to give my consent to sleep training — even prescribe sedatives for their children — and it’s completely inappropriate because something physical is wrong.”
Thamm, whose consultants undergo training for three months, said: “There’s a misconception that sleep training is just about CIO. I don’t believe you should allow a child to cry if you have not spent time understanding and addressing their needs.
“Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, a habit has been formed and some crying is inevitable.
“I’m not a fan of CIO, however. There are gentler methods, where you can comfort the baby.”
In light of what she calls “contradictory” research, Thamm said it was the experiences of mothers themselves that should speak the loudest — she claims a 98% success rate. Sleep, she said, was a gift and “teaching our children to sleep well is one of our duties as parents”.
❛ One man tried to chase me out of his house but I told him: ‘Your wife hired me. I’m staying’